Everything went pitch black. Suddenly, I was walking through a mystical forest that was terrifically peaceful; all you could hear was the whisper of the swaying trees and the running river. There was a path well hidden by silky white roses. I wanted to go through and see what was on the other side. The very core of my being was contradicting my body, there was something in me yelling "Don't go, you won't make it through!" As I passed through the roses, the forest receded from my approaching backyard that was hurtling towards me, or was hurtling towards it?
My boyfriend was standing there, tough as always, expecting something. I had no idea what he wanted. Working my way towards him he looked up and his gaze froze me to the spot with his petrifying eyes. I couldn't shift; the only thing I thought about was "What wrong did I do this time?" As he moved closer, the confusion began. I could hear him yelling, but I was unable to comprehend what he was saying to me. The tone his voice was vicious and offended me deeply.
The single idea that was continually assaulting my mind was the desire to tell him to leave and that I never wanted to see him ever again. I just couldn't stop all the recollections of how bad he would make me feel rush in my mind. I wanted to slap him right then and there. The burning desire to slap him was quenched when I appeared back in the forest. There was only one difference, this time I wasn't alone. My friend, Gera, was nearby with his hand extended out to me. As if I would just take his hand, everything would be well once more. I wanted to believe, however there was an indomitable force not letting me. I stretched out my hand to him, as the tips of our fingers were about to touch, I woke up.
As quickly as I opened my eyes, I wanted to go back to sleep, to continue dreaming. That's all that it was a dream, that I wanted it to come true, though at that moment I didn't think it would. I had to move on with my life. Subsequent to the dream, I doubted that I wanted our relationship to prolong; it brought painful dreams to the front of my mind that I overlooked, thanks to the love that blinded me. Thanks to the revelation, I realized I was in an abusive relationship and it would be beneficial for us both if it ended
All we did was hurt each other, even if it wasn't always intentionally. Yet, there were times that I felt that he would upset me on purpose, to get back at me for something I did. I even did that at times when I thought he deserved it. That's not what I wanted out of a relationship. The relationship that I desired is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 " Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited , it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is resentful. Love takes no pleasure in others' sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." That's the kind of love that I want not the one that I was living. I knew it was going to be hard to break up with him but what more could I do... it was the right thing to do, at least for me.
The next day I broke up with him but since I didn't have the audacity to tell him personally I wrote a letter to him. Explaining how I felt and what I thought. I did give him the letter personally and made him see with my actions that I didn't want to be with him anymore. Arriving home I got a call from him and he started screaming offensive words to me. I didn't know how to react, this person that supposedly said that if I would stop loving him and start liking someone else to end everything between us. Made me feel like an insignificant bug with everything and anything I did.
Once he finished saying what he had to tell me, he hanged up as abruptly as he called, leaving me with my sadness to deal with. I had church that day, I wanted to be cheerful but those words kept appearing in my mind. Tears would start forming in my eyes and I would do everything in my control not to let them out. While I was there having a difficult time, my friend, Gera, appeared next to me. Something that truly surprised me since he generally never sat next to me. He started to ask me what was wrong. I couldn't tell him, since every time I thought about it I wanted to cry. As soon as he asked, a tear ran down the side of my cheek. I closed my eyes and felt his caring hand brush away the tear that had fallen.
I opened my eyes and saw his face looking straight at me with sincere eyes, while he extended his hand out slowly, just like in my dream. But this time it wasn't a dream, it was reality, this time I wasn't going to let my dream slip by. I took his hand and held it tight. The thing that I didn't get to do in my dream, I did it in reality.
What's the prompt for this essay??
Well I thought it was an interesting read.
But, I don't know if it is appropriate for a college application..
I remember reading an article on what topics to avoid while writing a college application, and among the usual drugs, alcohol, and "the reason I went to jail..."-type essays were the "boyfriend" essays. I'm sure there are more important qualities about you that you can convey, other than how you dealt with a breakup. Remember, in high school, LOTS of girls/boys deal with bad relationships. Do you really want to make this the main focus of your essay? Do you have any passions? Outstanding qualities?
all I could hear was the whisper of the swaying trees and the running river.
Working my way towards him, he looked up and his gaze froze me to the spot with his petrifying eyes. *You need to agree the continuous verb "working" to the subject (which you currently have as "he"). He wasn't working your way towards himself. The 'with his petrifying eyes' is reduntant.
You can either say:
Working towards me, he looked up, and his gaze froze me to the spot. OR;
Working my way towards him, I saw him look up, and his gaze froze me to the spot.
*Try not bringing religion in.*
If I were to comment on it, I would say you might need to re-write the essay, IF this is a college application essay. Boy/girlfriend essays should be avoided, and your essay is mainly plot, and doesn't quite develop your character.
You do have a good writing style though -- you do engage the readers :)
