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ielts: the reason why sports competions has replaced war


ieltswriter 3 / 6  
May 26, 2014   #1
Over the past fifty years sport has played an increasingly important role in our society as a substitute for war. therefore the vast amount of money spent on international competitions such as Olympic games can be justified.

The matter whether sport events like Olympic games replaced war in recent decades has triggered hot debates. Some are of the opinion that increasing in proportion of major sport occasions directly related to disappearing of classic wars in the globe. However, others refute it. It is believed that former viewpoint carries more weights. It will be proven by analyzing role of sport in money making as well decreasing tensions.

Firstly, human being by nature like to be superior and amass more money. In the past countries perceived war as the straightest and easiest way to achieve these objectives, so they were engaged in lengthy wars.With time passed, the international situation changed considerably. now, sports competition has brought about a peaceful conditions for competing different people yo win valuable and colorful medals.

Secondly, international sports competition is not just physical contest and winning medals. In fact, it provides a venue for athletes of different countries to get familiar with each others. A valuable opportunity is given for enemy countries to relive tensions and brutality which has damaged the soul of ordinary people of these nations. The athletes of aforementioned countries gave touched a unique opportunity for shaking hands and feeling that they both are human not a warrior.Hence it is quite clear that sports completion provides a situation for developing humanistic emotions between countries especially hostile countries.

In conclusion, due to role of sports occasions in helping people in accumulate more money and creating an friendly space between enemy countries, it can be said that it has been an alternative for war.

dil77 4 / 9 2  
May 27, 2014   #2
disappearing of classic classical wars in the globe
It This will be proven
KMeghji 8 / 20 7  
May 27, 2014   #3
With time passed

With the passing time..
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 29, 2014   #4
The matter whether sport events like Olympic games replaced war in recent decades has triggered hot debates.

This is not a good opening. You should open your essay with a sentence that can hook the reader throughout your essay. It should be meaningful, relevant and interesting idea. This sentence does not have those qualities :(

However, others refute it.

However, others believe otherwise.

It is believed that former viewpoint carries more weights. It will be proven by analyzing role of sport in money making as well decreasing tensions.

.... Express your view directly. Reader needs to know what you believe :) When you say "It is believed" , then it becomes a general belief. So say - I believe
Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
May 29, 2014   #5
your writing is fairly good to me :D just a few things to share with you

firstly, i think you should pay more attention to the capitalized letter at the beginning a sentence :)
2ndly,

With time passed, the international situation changed considerably.
now, sports competition has brought about a peaceful conditions for competing different people to win valuable and colorful medals.

i think there should be a sentence explain why the changing situation leads to sports competition has brought about a peaceful conditions for competing for e.g the international situation changed considerably with peaceful solutions becoming the priority in unravelling international conflicts. Something like that, just to make the 2 sentences more connective
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 12, 2014   #6
Over the past fifty years sport has played an increasingly important role in our society as a substitute for war. therefore the vast amount of money spent on international competitions such as Olympic games can be justified.

where is the question?

also, you made some misspelling and capitalization mistakes


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