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TOEFL - Reasons of choosing dangerous sports or activity.


sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Feb 17, 2014   #1
Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Globally enormous games are played so as various tournaments are organized to give recognition to best players. Well, today people are immensely enthusiastic to play beyond unexceptional games and engross in several dangerous sports and other activities, however the motives of people for choosing dangerous games differ from one to another. Furthermore, my essay will be explaining the reasons of people's preferring dangerous games and activity.

Firstly, it is undeniable that dangerous sports cannot be deemed easy, therefore only limited number of people are noticed to perform them. Women skiing is announced an official sports in 2014. This year many women's would be competing to get rewards for their skiing skills. Skiing is very challenging sports and when performed by sensitive idol "women" makes it a peculiar sports. As it is said "more risk, more profit", people who perform dangerous sports are motivated to do such sports to get fat income and prestige in the world. They get opportunity to link with many industries like television industry, they are signed by many companies as an ambassador for various product lines. Luxurious life and chance of travelling the world for various competition and many similar benefits attracts people to go beyond their lines and build their safe arena to perform riskier but splendor activities..

Secondly, Many people enjoy tackling challenging task and their potential is unduly competitive. Which makes them master of managing uncertainty. As it is said "practice makes men perfect"- people practice a lot to build exquisite skills for performing dangerous sports whether they like to do it as hobby or profession. I have seen many friends of mine performing breath - stopping bike stunts and also noticed them improving it. Likewise many people do it for fun and entertainment - Mark Zuckerberg ,one of the co- founder of Facebook, in his childhood used to make minor games by referring his folks drawing while playing with them .These hobby of Mr. Zuckerberg made him a prodigy of networking.

Thirdly, for many people, dangerous activity is their profession - Magician. They earn their bread and butter by performing various tricks with fire or with dangerous animals in their shows.That satisfy their need as well as their desire of remain attached with their unsafe art.

Learning is never enough and no time is wrong for it. Few beings are born with potential of playing with dangers, so other possess the zeal of trying uncommon dangerous sports for monetary gains, fame, and amusement.
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
Feb 17, 2014   #2
Learning is never enough and no time is wrong for it.

This sentense is confusing. Do you mean it is never too old to learn?
pacers7ind 11 / 25 2  
Feb 17, 2014   #3
sandipsinh
I will assit you in your intro

Globally enormous games are played so as various tournaments are organized to give recognition to best players.I suggest restating the first paragraphWell, today people are immensely enthusiastic to play beyond unexceptional games and engross in several dangerous sports and other activities, however the motives of people for choosing dangerous games differ from one to another.The last sentence needs improvement because you dont want to tell the reader what you will be doing directly, maybe something like,"People's motives vary because [ Insert main argument of essay"

Overall, your main weakness comes from your last sentence, and your strength is in how you lead up to it
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Feb 18, 2014   #4
Globally enormous games are played so as various tournaments are organized to give recognition to best players.

.... Better you improve presentation of this idea;
A large number of games are played across the globe and some of them are of very dangerous nature.

Well, today people are immensely enthusiastic to play beyond unexceptional games and engross in several dangerous sports and other activities, however the motives of people for choosing dangerous games differ from one to another.

This sentence is too long and has some issues in terms of vocabulary, grammar and clarity. Write shorter sentences having one idea per sentence. That helps you improve clarity and presentation of your writing.
OP sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Feb 18, 2014   #5
Hey dumi can you be please be specific about my vocabulary and grammar suggestion,so that i won't repeat them.
I would really appreciate that.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Feb 18, 2014   #6
Well, today people are immensely enthusiastic to play beyond unexceptional games and engross in several dangerous sports and other activities, however the motives of people for choosing dangerous games differ from one to another.

First, sorry about my comment on grammar... When I read your sentence very carefully for the second time, I didn't find any grammar issue. But in the first instance I felt so. Anyway, you have issues with the words you used there. First, starting with "well" is not appropriate in essay writing. It is more appropriate in speaking tasks. Then, "immensely enthusiastic" sounds a bit overdone. Also, it is not clear what you meant by "beyond unexceptional games".... My advice for you is not to complicate your sentences with too many words. Write simple shorter sentences so that the reader would not find it difficult to follow your ideas.
OP sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Feb 18, 2014   #7
Thanks Dumi - for sparing time to reply.
I'll try to use understandable word.
And about well even i felt the same as you but took a chance to confirm my doubt.

I used unexceptional games for common games. is there any suggestion.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Feb 19, 2014   #8
I used unexceptional games for common games. is there any suggestion.

Well, this is not a common usage that everybody's familiar with. I would like to suggest you not to do experiments with this task because it might put you in trouble. These tasks are simple ones to assess your competency level in writing, speaking, reading and listening. So, your aim should be to gain a good score by meeting the objectives of this exam.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 19, 2014   #9
Firstly, it is undeniable that dangerous sports cannot be deemed easy, therefore only limited number of people are noticed to perform them.

I think you need to answer the question -

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities?

, in a more convincing manner. Tell why these people want to be noticed, in other words you need to tell us why these people are psychologically motivated to take all risks associated with these sports. Is it money? or fame? or anything else? Tell this reasons first and give specific examples to support these reasons.


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