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Reasons for the decrease of land production and explanation for soil degradation in the world


Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Oct 29, 2016   #1
The pie chart gives information about several things that make a decrease of land production and the table illustrates about impact of degradation of field for the three region. Overall, it can be seen that the greatest cause makes the land become a less production is over-grazing. Also, over-grazing become the biggest problem of land in the Oceania. Besides that, Europe has been the biggest problem for productivity land by deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing at 23 percent.

The percentage of over-grazing is higher than deforestation at 35 and 30 respectively. The three largest is over-cultivation at 28 percent. In the North America over-cultivation become cause of less production of land at 3.3 percent. Deforestation is the biggest percentage to cause Europa land become less production at 9.8 percent. Then, Oceania has the biggest problem from over-grazing at 11.3 percent. Total of land that has degraded and is caused by deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing for the North America, Europe and Oceania is at 5.23 and 13 percent significantly. Over-grazing is the biggest problem for the land in the worldwide, especially in the Ocean.


  • question

septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 29, 2016   #2
Hello willy! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) ... several things that makecause a decrease of land production
(2) ... illustrates about the impact of degradation ...
(3) ... the greatest cause that makes the land become ...
(4) Also, over-grazing becomes the biggest problem ...
(5) Besides thatFurthermore, Europe has been (...) and over-grazing at 23 percent.do not mention any number in your overview
(5) In the North America over-cultivation becomebecamethe main cause of less ...

Remember willy that this data describe about land degradation in 1990. So, you have to use 'past tense'
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
INTRODUCTION

*flaws in paraphrasing question incompletely
*unclear overview [although had selected information to be presented as overview, it tend to less accurate in the way its structuring and inserting unnecessary quantity]


... several things that make a decrease of (...) for the three region IN PERCENTAGE.
... the greatest causemakes the land become a less production is over-grazing.
Besides that, Europe has beenthe biggest (...) by deforestatio n, over-cultivation and over-grazing at 23 percent.

BODY PARAGRAPH

*only consist of one body paragraph which is ideally by at least two paragraph. Thus, it presented unclear or no grouping of information at all

*tenses errors


The three THIRD largestis over-cultivation at 28 percent.
... over-cultivationbecome cause of less ...
Deforestation is the biggest (...) Europa land become less production at 9.8 percent. Then, Oceania has the biggest problem ...
Total of land thathas degraded and is caused by deforestation , over-cultivation and (...) Europe and Oceaniais at 5.23 and ...
Over-grazingis the biggest problem ...


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