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Reasons of land degradation globally and the impact it causes on three different continents

Fadhilmmd2511 1 / -  
Feb 14, 2017   #1

Pie charts and table

The pie chart represents the data of reasons of land degradation globally whereas the table shows the impact of land degradation in three different continents. Most of all, overgrazing is the majority cause of degradation and Europe is the region that has the largest loss of land.

There is about 35 percent of land degraded happened in cosequence of over grazing. Indeed, the deforestation comes in second largest causes of degrading land. However, it is only about 7 percent contributed by uknown causes, whereas over- cultivation is the other reason that cause 28 percent of land degradation.

In detail, Ocenia region experiences over-grazing recently than any other continents, which is about 11.3 percent. Besides, over-cultivation in Europe is twice as North America which is about 3.3 percent. Nevertheless, Europe has the highest percentage of deforestation among continents, contributing 9.8 percent of total land degraded that is about 23 percent.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,801 2612  
Feb 14, 2017   #2
Fadhil, please post the chart for comparison purposes. I cannot properly analyze your work without the images and data to compare it with. In the meantime, here are general observations of your work. The opening statement is too short in relation to the 3 sentence minimum requirement. You have written two long sentences that would have been more efficient in improving your task accuracy score if you had created separate sentences and fulfilled the minimum 3 sentence requirement instead. He very careful of your grammar. You said "in cosequence" when the correct term is "as a consequence". Mistakes like that prove a carelessness in writing that directly affects the related band criteria score. Always proof read and edit your work before submitting for scoring or review.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Feb 14, 2017   #3
Hi Fadhil, welcome to Essay Forum. Hopefully, in the next term, you attach the picture about you explained if you wanna get more feedback. Readers do not analyze your information which you displayed.

Firstly, you have actually displayed the introductory paragraph well. However, you should keep in your mind that the paragraph is supposed to contain at least 3 sentences. I think you can separate your overview into two sentences so that you can produce three sentences in the first paragraph.

Before you write this writing, you should analyze the information about its time. This circumstance happened in the 1990s so that you should present the past tense here. Please, you remember that because that matter can reduce your score, especially in the grammar. Following this, I don't know why I see your data as listing the data. I mean you explained one by one figure in the first body paragraph. You should impress examiners with your ability in the analyze. In other words, you can compare the figures directly. I only remind you that your job in writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to describe separately.

overall, this is enough good because you know the basic elements shown in the writing task 1. I really believe you can master this skill if you wanna practice again and again.


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