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Reasons for land degradation - what impair the productive capacity of agricultural land?

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 25, 2017   #1

why agricultural land becomes less productive?

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart is provided for analysis of what impair the productive capacity of agricultural land. The table details these damages in three regions over the last decade of the 20th century. In this essay, I will distill key points to make informative comparisons.

Overall, on a global scale, deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing are the primary culprits, each accounting for approximately three tenth of land degradation. Among these regions listed, Europe was hit most severely during 1990s, with 23% of its land degraded. By contrast, the comparable proportions were 13% and just 5% for North America and Oceania respectively.

Globally, overgrazing-induced land degradation makes up 35% of the total. Deforestation and excessive cultivation take a close second and third place in harmfulness, leading to 30% and 28% of land degradation each. On the contrary, only 7% of land degradation is attributed to other reasons.

Regionally, over-grazing bore the most blame in Oceania, where it reduced 11.3% of soil to barren fields, compared with 5.5% in Europe and 1.5% in North America. With regard to deforestation, 9.8% of land in Europe became infertile for this reason, while the percentage was down to 0.2% in North America and 1.7% in Oceania. Likewise, though Europe saw 7.7% of its land damaged by excessive cultivation, only 3.3% of land in North America and o% in Oceania suffered the same problem.

226 words
This time I practiced pie chart writing. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,767 3803  
Oct 25, 2017   #2
For this essay, I think the highest you can garner is an 8. You had a few run-on sentences that caused you to fall short of the paragraph requirement in the last paragraph. There was also an issue regarding your sentence formation. For instance. you were missing the connecting word "the" when you said "Europe was hit most severely during THE 1990's." In the third paragraph, the correction is "... degradation MADE up (use the past tense as the information is taken from the past)". Then, "... land degradation WAS (past tense) attributed..."

Truth be told, I am very impressed by the consistency in your writing. Your scores so far have always ranged in the 8-9 bracket so I am more than confident that you will be passing this test with some of the highest marks in your batch of test takers. That is why I am now focusing less on the content of your essay and more on the grammar presentation. You are slowly developing a more fluid sentence presentation that will all but erase the fact that you are an ESL student.

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