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Reasons for overweight children in developed countries...


Lorachan 3 / 1  
Aug 30, 2013   #1
In recent years, obesity in children in developed countries has become a hot issue all over the world. Some people suspect the sharp rise of fast food market causes this, while others believe the main reason is the careless attitude of parents to their kids' health. I agree with 2 ideas and I will present more details in this essay.

As we can see, the consumption of fast food has accelerated and it is one of main reasons leading to the large number of overweight children. Fast food has spread steeply and constantly since it was first appeared. With various flavors from bread, meat to vegetables and peppers as well as its convenience, this dish attracts children a lot that a kid can eat at least 3 hamburgers each day. In fast food's ingredients, nearly three fourths of the ingredients are lipid and carbohydrates, which provide in excess of calories and less nutrients for bodies. As a result, if children consume fast food regularly, they can be overweight and lazy in physical activities. Moreover, overweight kids may not have enough nutrients for their mental development.

On other hand, many parents have not looked after their kids' diet, so it may also a main reason for overweight children. Busy work occupies almost the time of some parents so they can't spend on their kids' diet carefully. For example, instead of a meal with sufficient dishes, parents can buy their kids hamburgers or hot dogs that help them to save time reasonably. Therefore, many children are used to eating fast food after school, even at lunch or dinner.

In conclusion, I agree with the view that parents are the most responsible for their overweight children. Parents can prevent their kids from eating fast food despite its popularity and build a supplement diet their sons or daughters.

p/s: Please correct my mistakes and show me that! thank u very much...

dumi 1 / 6,933 1592  
Aug 30, 2013   #2
Are you peeoaring for IELTS or TOEFL? It's good to include your pupose of writing in the topic because it helps others to align their feedbacks with task related requirements.

I agree with 2both ideas and I will present more details in this essay.

....don't write numbers when writing essays unless it is for mentioning dates or years.
OP Lorachan 3 / 1  
Aug 31, 2013   #3
Hi dumi! thanks to your reply for my essay. It's an ielts essay. the question is:the number of overweight children in developed country is increasing.Some people think it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views? ...is my essay suitable for the question? please help me!
dumi 1 / 6,933 1592  
Aug 31, 2013   #4
In recent years, obesity in children in developed countries has become a hot issue all over the world

.... you mentionedthis is an issue in developed countries, so the latter part sounds redundant.
I

careless attitude of parents towards their kids' health

I agree with 2 ideas and I will present more details in this essay .

.... stop at expressing your position on the issue. Rest is understood and therefore not necessary to reiterate.

..is my essay suitable for the question? please help me!

I can say that you write very well. If you can handle time then you are through.


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