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Toefl: The reasons that people visit museums.


tippabim 3 / 6 1  
Jan 6, 2014   #1
Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reason and example to support your answer.

Since the beginning of human civilization, there were several valuable historical objects were established throughout world history. The best way that people can get into our past effectively is visiting the museums. Therefore, many people prefer to go to museums for some specific reasons provided here.

"The past is the high value of treasure". This proverb meaning that we can learn from the previous mistakes in order to prevent those problems occurred again. This is the reason why the educational system contains museums to be one of the study places. We can not deny that our societies have overcome many terrible situations by adopting high value lessons. The dissolution of Ayutthaya dynasty, for in stance, Thais have learnt deeply that the major cause leading to the end of prosperous land is losing the great unity among people. Recently, Thailand was facing unstably political situation and having enormous argument between government and citizen. Eventually, Thailand could go through that worse trouble painstakingly since the both sides implemented the lesson from the Thai history. Let's try to imagine that how that situation will be if Thais did not learn from the past through museum.

Another reason is most of the tourists always realize that they will be enjoy in the sophisticated and meticulous objects in the museum. Since, the museum is the institution which collects and preserves artifacts or important cultural and artistic relics. Furthermore, museum keeps our history alive. That will completely make the guesses touch a bliss of pride in human civilization.

Moreover, observing in the museums will definitely bring about impressive feeling to springs in this generation. As modern people are perceive with the intelligence of their ancestors which can encourage them to be in pursuit of creativity so that invent high modern technology in order to comfort our human life.

We should conserve our heritages intentionally by taking care of museums. If we lost them, we will never get them back. Who will be able to deny the important of museum?

Thank you for your suggestions in advance.
BachChaconne2 1 / 95 19  
Jan 6, 2014   #2
I like your supporting reasons; however, both the conclusion and the introduction could be better. I highlighted areas that I didn't understand in red. Please let me know whether you have any questions.
OP tippabim 3 / 6 1  
Jan 7, 2014   #3
Thank you so much.

You made me found out that there are some vocabulary mistakes.

" make the guesses" should be " make the guests"
" to springs" should be " to descendants"

I will try to repeat my new essay before sending it to the graders. Thank you.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 7, 2014   #4
Since the beginning of human civilization, there were several valuable historical objects were established throughout world history.

This is not a good hook. It does not deliver a clear idea to the reader. :( Better re-phrase this line.

Since the beginning of human civilization, there were several valuable historical objects were established throughout world history. The best way that people can get into our past effectively is visiting the museums. Therefore, many people prefer to go to museums for some specific reasons provided here.

Your introduction has several issues. First, it does not introduce your topic adequately. It does not mention anything about people who travel to new places which is one of the key aspects of your prompt.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 16, 2014   #5
The best way that people can get into our past effectively is visiting the museums.

I feel this provides a better hook than the first sentence of your introduction.

"The past is the high value of treasure".

....This is not translated properly. How about this?
" The past is the guiding star for your future" ... I think this one goes better with your next idea.

they will be enjoy

.... wrong grammar'
they will enjoy / they will be enjoying

Since, the museum is the institution which collects and preserves artifacts or important cultural and artistic relics.

... this sentence is incomoplete :(


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