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"Reasons to smoke" I wrote this essay for tommorow's class


BBgirl 12 / 3  
Mar 4, 2007   #1
Reasons to smoke

How many people do smoke your around? You, of course, can't count it, because they are too many. Smoking statistical data have shown us that one in five people smoke in the USA. The most of us know that smoke is bad for our health and environment, but they still smoke or they start to smoke. Why do people start to smoke?

Most people begin smoking as teens, generally because of peer pressure and curiosity. Also, people with friends and/or parents who smoke are more likely to take up smoking than those who don't. For example, I tried to smoke first time when I was eighteen years old with my friends at my friend's home. It was children's impish behavior. One of us has already been smoking since eight grades, and she always had cigarettes. This day we met in a café, and just chilled out. After that meeting we arranged to stay at my friend Erka's home. Although my friend who used to smoke didn't stay at Erka's home; she forgot her cigarettes. So we were interested to smoke and tried it at balcony, because we bewared Erka's parents. After we smoked, our heads were sick, and mouth tasted stinky. I thought I will never again smoke, and I don't use it again. But unfortunately my friend has been smoking since this time, because most of her family members smoke, and her boyfriend smokes. I conjured to her a lot of times to quit it. But she answered me, "I can't".

Another prevalent influence in our society is the tobacco industry's ads and other promotional activities for its products. The tobacco industry spends billions of dollars each year to create and market ads that show smoking as an exciting, glamorous, and healthy adult activity. For example, in our Mongolia back side of most taxi's window affix cigarette's ads picture; it affects a lot of people who smoke or want to begin to smoke. Some part of people who smoke in Mongolia often smoke "ESSE", which are Korean cigarettes. An advantage of this cigarette is a promotion. For example, if you smoke ten pack of "ESSE", you'll take some small promotion things such as napkin or lighter. Or if you smoke fifty pack of "ESSE", you'll take big promotion such as a small television.

For other example, famous people advertise cigarettes in Mongolia, because cigarette companies sponsor them for a lot of money. If you watch our Mongolian some comic show, you listen to many times about cigarettes. In recent years in our Mongolia "Landus", which is Korean cigarette, is broadened. This company owner made a contract with some show makers or stars. One time I saw a comic show about drinker's interlude with my cousin. In this show, drinkers were use to smoke and they acted to find cigarette "Landus" from outside. It was big advertising for this company, because there were a lot of people. After that show, my little cousin asked me, "What's 'Landus'? Is it good for us? " It was expression that they can affect us.

In conclusion, there are a lot of reasons that people begin smoke. Most of those reasons began in our wrong acts. It promotes and rises to smoke. Of course it affects very bad for our future, economic and development etc. We need to realize it now on our mind. Just try to determine it for a good way.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Mar 5, 2007   #2
Greetings!

It can be a real challenge to write essays in a foreign language. You make some good points in your essay! There are a few places where your grammar is a bit mixed up, though. Here are some suggestions:

"How many people do smoke your around?" - I think you meant "How many people around you smoke?"

"So we were interested to smoke and tried it at balcony, because we bewared Erka's parents." - "We were curious about smoking so we went out on the balcony to try it because we were afraid Erka's parents would catch us."

"I thought I will never again smoke, and I don't use it again." - "I thought, I will never smoke again, and I haven't. "

"in our Mongolia back side of most taxi's window affix cigarette's ads picture" - "in the back window of most Mongolian taxis is a cigarette ad."

"you'll take some small promotion things such as napkin or lighter." - "you'll get some small promotional items such as a napkin or a lighter."

"For other example, " - "As another example,"

"If you watch our Mongolian some comic show, you listen to many times about cigarettes." - I'm not sure, but I think you were trying to say, "If you watch Mongolian comedies, you'll see many ads for cigarettes."

"One time I saw a comic show about drinker's interlude with my cousin. In this show, drinkers were use to smoke and they acted to find cigarette "Landus" from outside." - I'm a little unclear about what you are saying here.

"Most of those reasons began in our wrong acts. It promotes and rises to smoke." - This is a little confusing. What wrong acts? What promotes?

"Of course it affects very bad for our future, economic and development etc. We need to realize it now on our mind. Just try to determine it for a good way." - I'm not sure if by "our future" you are referring to us, as a society, or to individuals' health. The next two sentences are rather vague and not proper English. Since your subject is "Reasons to smoke, " a better closing might be, "There are many reasons for smoking, but none of them are good enough to justify the dangers."

I hope this is helpful to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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