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IELTS Writing Task 1 the reasons for studying according to student's age


Diqon 10 / 33 12  
Nov 3, 2015   #1
Hello every one. I try to improve my IELTS in particularly Writing Task 1. I would appreciate your feedback.

The first bar chart gives information regarding the reasons for studying according to student's age and the second chart shows supporting by Employers Time off and help with fees.

Overall, it is noticeable that there are two reasons of students who take a course both career life decreases over decade by each group and student's interest has reasons taking a study a slight increase during a period of time all ages. In any case, the most famous support by Employers is under 26 of ages.

To begin with, the highest percentages is under-26 of age standing by 80% for career in the study reasons, opposite for interest it takes only 10 % over decade. Interestingly, looking at the data of 40-49 ages in career reason is the same 40 % as for interest. Over 49 ages illustrates that the figure of career has the lowest percentage, while student's interest takes just under 20 % during a year-period.

It can be seen, in the second graph, it takes under 26 ages having the most interesting in supporting by Employers with fees. After decreasing by 30-39 ages, there was a slow increase from 30 % to 45 % between 40-49 ages and over 49.






fadh93 6 / 11  
Nov 3, 2015   #2
Hi, I will give comments about your writing

First, for introduction, I think it's better to use one sentence for two graphs.

The first bar chart gives information regarding the reasons for studying according to student's age and the second chart shows supporting by Employers Time off and help with fees.

The charts give information regarding the reason for studying and employee support in time off and fee, based on age groups.

I think you write the overview too much detail. You can sum up by using comparison and contrast.

Cheers
I hope these will help you much


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