Hi,
Request you to please check my essay and correct it. Any suggestions appreciated.
People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.
Money is important to live and to earn that money people need to work. This is one of the main reasons of working but, I believe that, money is not everything we cannot buy happiness with money. There are many other reasons of working such as to gain experience, volunteering, to help others and for physical and mental exercise which give satisfaction to people. These people work for happiness, satisfaction and relaxation and not for money.
The first reason to work is to gain an experience. There are many students who work to gain an experience and not for money. Some students do part time job while studying. Some students work full time after completing their education to gain a practical experience without salary. In my own experience, I used to do a part time job while doing my master just to gain a practical experience. That was my first job and I learned many important things there. The most important thing is that, an organization in which I was working allowed me to complete my project work there. That was very useful because whatever I was learning in college, the same work I was practicing on my work. That was a practical experience which was more important at that stage than money. So, some people work to earn experience.
The second reason is some people like to do social services such as volunteering. Many people do volunteering in Library or in Community. We can see many old age people do such work for the sake of satisfaction and not for money. Not only old age people do these works but youngsters also do. For example, I regularly go in library there I met many old age people who work as a volunteer and they enjoy their work. One day, I talked to one lady there, she is retired person and she works there because she wants to do some social service and wants to make new friend and by doing this she can spend her time in something good. I was inspired by her I also applied for volunteer. Now I am also working as a volunteer in a library and help others to teach computers. So, providing services can also be a reason of work.
In addition, some people like to help others. They cannot seat idle. There is a saying that, "Idle mind is the devils workshop" and I think this is true. For example, my uncle John, He is very friendly and helping in nature. He likes to help others and he always keeps himself busy in work. If does not have any work, then he goes to do community services. He believes that helping others gives him satisfaction with physical and mental exercise. Many people want to educate and share their knowledge with others. For example, all moderators and contributors on essay forum check our essays and help us to improve our English for free. We all must have read the slogan on forum which is, "the biggest reward is helping others" and it is absolutely true.
Finally, I believe that, not all people work for money and earning money is not only their reason to work. There are many reasons of working other than earning money such as helping others, gaining experience, volunteering and the like which give people a happiness and satisfaction.
Thanks,
Ana.
Hi, Ana your essay is too long (559 words). You should consider the time limitation and you should know that the number of mistakes rises up as the length of an essay increases. You should allocate a part of the test's time for reviewing your work.
Regards
Ahmad
I ana even I feel that your essay is too long. I think 7 - 8 mins should be kept for reviewing what you have written. This will allow you to looks at your spelling mistakes and also some grammar mistakes. So is it also important to improve your typing speed..
Concentrating only on Last sentences :-
There are many reasons offor working other than earning money such as helping others, gaining experience, volunteering and the like which give people a happiness and satisfaction.
Hi Ahmad and Sudhir,
Thank you so much for your reviews.
Yes, I do agree with both of you that my essay is too long for TOEFL, but this time I wanted you to check my grammar mistakes and sentence structure. I did not mention that above and I am sorry about that. I will try to write my essay by considering time limitations.
Regards,
Ana.
I think 'self satisfaction' could be one of the reason. There are a lot of people choose their job even though it cannot guarantee a lot of salary.
Nice essay. Thank you for sharing such a nice essay,
when you start your intro, do not write your opinion first, but state some opposite views to your point of view that you will mention later because when you put it what others may think and put your ideas the end of paragraph, they are more likely persuaded by your opinions.
like this "however, i, personally, think that---------- following two support reasons" so the readers get some idea what you will going to discuss.
There are many students who work to gain an experience and not for money. Some students do have part time job during the semesters while studying . Some studentsthey work full time after completing their education to gain a practical experience without salary. i think you have to fix her little bit. try to put some of general example or explaination before you give specific reason or example. In my own experience, I used to dohave a part time job while doingtaking class for my master degree to gain a practical to have work experience. That was my first job and I learned many important things there. The most important thing is that, an organization in which where I was working allowed me to complete my project work there. ]how about giving specific reason for this project work? the reader will understand better.That was very useful because whatever I was learning in college, the same work I was practicing on my work.Since i could use some knowledge from college, it was much helpful to finish my work task . you can add some more words here:) That was a practical experience which was more important at that stage than money. So, some people work to earn experience.
i read the first paragraph, and i hope it helped you and did not make you feel uncomfortable for correcting your essay this way :) ETS likes specifics and details in your supporting idea.
i totally agree with you. satisfaction and achievement are the one of biggest reasons people consider when they choose their job!
Thanks Vickey and skyss109 for your reviews and corrections...:)
Regards,
Ana.
