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IELTS task 2 - essay about reasons why young people have a negative attitude towards learning?

Dragonyu 2 / -  
Jan 19, 2018   #1
Many people who leave school hold a negative attitude towards learning. Why does this happen? How to solve the problem?

youngsters bad opinion on schools

It is true that our society sees an increasing amount of adolescents who are not satisfied with their education at school, especially after graduation. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can be taken to tackle the problem.

In my opinion, two main factors are to blame for why young people are cynical towards study. The essential one of which is that most young people suffer overwhelming pressure with their studies by the current education system. Schools are just as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers expect their students to do homework and even exam revision on top of attending their classes every day. As a result, it is undoubtedly reasonable that people who once had such experience would not have any willingness to continue to study after graduation.

Apart from the essential reason, another also significant reason is that there exists a manifested gap between what students learn and what they do need in practice. Traditionally, students are trained to work individually and follow instructions given by their superiors or other senior mates. In today's fast-paced world, corporations tend to recruit talents who can work in a team, particularly within interdisciplinary programs. Also, those people who are full of fresh ideas are the most popular candidates at the job market. Thus, students are naturally disgusted with old-fashioned study provided by their colleges or universities.

However, students'attitude can certainly be improved. It is more beneficial to safeguard reasonable free time for young people. In this regard, we should encourage them to enjoy it with their friends or do spend it doing sports and other leisure activities. Moreover, to satisfy practical demand from industries, that university and college should introduce experts who are experienced in practice, establish co-operated platforms with sectors and send students to various institutions or departments for the sake of enhancing their practical skills. Consequently, when these children leave school, their success and harvest from previous experiences will help them continue to study.

In conclusion, students will continue to reserve an adverse impression towards study unless our education system and school demonstrate their adjustments.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,848 2135  
Jan 19, 2018   #2
Yu, are you responding to a direct question essay? You forgot to indicate what kind of essay type you are practicing for. The reason I need to know whether you are responding to a direct question or a discussion essay is because each type uses a different opening statement. If you wrote this essay for a direct response essay, then your format is correct but short on the required number of sentences for a paragraph. If you are responding to a discussion essay, then your presentation is totally incorrect. The proper presentation for this prompt would be:

Individuals who depart from learning institutions do not have a good impression of the learning process. I believe that there are two reasons for this impression. Based on the 2 reasons that I will be presenting, I will also present a possible resolution to the situation.

All of your paragraphs must start with the topic sentence instead of an introduction sentence. That is the best way to start the essay based on the allowable 5 sentence format. The topic sentence kicks off the paragraph followed by a supporting explanation, an example presentation, then a transition sentence. You got that part of the requirements correct in most of your presentations.

However, you solution presentation lacks focus. Since this is the 3rd body of paragraph for your essay, you need to present a solution that responds to both the situations you previously presented. That way, you can fully explain why this solution will work for both problems instead of your current presentation that does not fully explain how these 2 solutions are supposed to help solve the predicament. Remember, each paragraph discussion should only have one topic per paragraph. That is why there is only one topic sentence at the start of the paragraph.

The concluding statement is insufficient. It must be composed of no less than 3 sentences (just like the other paragraphs in the essay) and should appropriately summarize the discussion presented. What you presented was just a new topic sentence that was not fully developed. Therefore, this is not an essay that was properly concluded. You are missing an actual concluding paragraph in this instance.

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