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Reasons for youth crimes (essay for Cambridge English Exam)

jiameimay 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2018   #1
Statistics show that the number of youth crimes incresed in these days, and this became a concerned problem in our society. What are the causes that make young people to commit crimes?

the lack of control

Firstly, according to some researches about youth crimes, the main founding cause of this might be lack of control by parents. As we all know, in the modern life, most of the parents are busy, go out early and come back at dusk for work. They seldom have any free time to communicate with their children, not to mention controlling what they do out of home, or in school, or in community. And also, nowadays, some of the parents are not as strict as decades ago, such as those who have only one child and thoes who want their kids growing up with more freedom of choice, expression and independence.

Secondly, influence of friends might be another major reason for young people to commit crimes. As a matter of fact, young people usually spend a lot time in school, so the people who they play with have deep influence to them. Most of the time, for being afraid of being excluded out of the group, they just end up making the wrong decision which is unwillingly follow what their friends do.

So, to reduce the number of youth crimes, preventing the children going to the wrong direction of life, the parents should pay more attention and give more caring to their children and as a teenager should be self-disciplined and learn how to make right decision when someone is instigating you to do something immoral.

Hey, I'm preparing for Cambridge English Exame, any suggestion for my essay please not hesitate to tell me. Thanks for reading.

jolivares 3 / 5 1  
Oct 30, 2018   #2
Hi! I think your essay is well developed, although it needs a conclusion parragraph that summarized your point of view about the causes of youth crime. I'd further develop your last parragraph.

Pay attention to some grammar and spelling mistake, read you essay again carefully and fix them.

For example:
crimes incresead in these days
in the modern life
come back at dusk for from work
or in at school, or in the community

I think your essay is going through the right path, just need a bit more of work.
Good luck and hope this helps.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,816 2619  
Oct 31, 2018   #3
HI Jiamei, there are several Cambridge English exams that a student can take. Please be specific about which one you are preparing for so that exam specific advice may be given to you in the future. For now, I'll just give you general advice based on the given prompts.

There is only one question that requires a response in this essay and that what causes the young people to commit crimes. Do not deviate from the discussion. Do not offer additional information when it is not asked for. Your discussion of the solutions to the problem will be considered misplaced and as such, could unnecessarily lower your scoring considerations. This is only a 4 paragraph essay that requires 2 reasoning paragraphs in the middle then a concluding paragraph at the end.

Pay attention to your first paragraph. It is always better to offer a paraphrase of the topic for discussion before you give your direct response so that the reader has a better idea of what the topic is about and what the discussion requirements are. Prepare the reader for the discussion, don't just throw the reader into it.

Identify the type of English exam you will be taking when you post an essay for review again. That way I can tailor the advice to the requirements of the exam.

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