[b]Give ONE example of when showed leadership. please this essay is due soon. I want to know how well I answered it.
"Promise you're a leader when you see a need and meet it," my dad told me the day I asked him what qualified a leader; I returned a smile in reassurance. Growing up in a typical African community, I needed not to stroll a mile before seeing a need.
It was as though a blanket of heat covered the entire neighbourhood. The white and blue patched sky contributed to what made that Sunday afternoon unforgettable. I was the first person to leave the dome-shaped church hall. Most vividly, I can remember an intense groan at a corner few meters from the church, I didn't have time to look for the source, but looking left I saw two skinny boys. While one was sitting on a chair and holding a mirror, the other was standing, holding a sharp blade and carefully shaving him. I stood irritated by the sight. The victim stood a chance of contracting HIV, or any other similar disease. Besides, I could spot an injury already on his head. On meeting them I gave the only money I had in my pocket, my transport fee. Though reluctant at first, they finally collected the money. Later, I trekked the 5 miles meters home; meeting my dad, I narrated the incident to him. My old man was very happy, probably because he saw what he wanted me to be inside me. He held my hands, brushed my hair with his other hand and repeated his quote again: "You are a leader when you see a need and meet it." In return I gave me my smile to reassure his trust in me.
I like how you are able to paint images with your essay.
You are able to meet what leader means according to your father's description/sense/idea of it.
Most vividly, I can remember an intense groan at a corner few meters from the church, I didn't have time to look for the source, but looking left I saw two skinny boys. -- I got a bit confused with this part. Why didn't you have time to look for the source? Or were you trying to say that you were looking the source but your eye caught two skinny boys and you then totally forgot about the groan? And I'm a bit iffy about your use of "Most vividly". I'm not sure why. Oh, and, too much commas on that part.
I trekked the 5 miles meters home -- miles/meters
"Promise you're a leader when you see a need and meet it," -- should there be a comma after promise? The word promise kind off throws me off. But that's me.
I liked it. Short, simple, and illustrative.
It's going to be confusing if you do not use a comma:
"Promise, you're a...
And here is a little suggestion:
My old man was very happy, probably because he saw in me the person he wanted me to be.
Anyway, excellent job here. This essay is to-the-point, clear, meaningful, thoughtful... one of my favorites.
:-)
