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You have received a gift of money. What would you buy from these options?


payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 16, 2016   #1
You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

A gift of money is the best. It provides choices and we can select what we will buy from it based on our needs or preferences. If given a choice to buy a piece of jewelry or to attend a concert, I will definitely choose the later one. There are three main reasons for this preference, which I will explore further.

First, I enjoy concerts as I get a chance to see the famous celebrities. There is a great difference when you see your favorite musician on a TV show and performing live in a concert. Attending a concert of my favorite celebrity or band sparks enthusiasm in me. For example, I recently attended the concert of Taylor swift. Purchasing the tickets, preparing for the show, meeting friends was an exhilarating experience. The crowd cheering from all the directions added to the excitement and raised my spirits. Thus, I had a great time and enjoyed the event thoroughly.

Second, attending a concert helps me relieve stress as I get an opportunity to deviate myself from the daily schedule. Hectic work-life balance adds stress. Though there are many ways to relieve this stress, attending a concert is altogether entering a different world. It helps to keep your focus on the ongoing activity and one can take a break from the routine. It also makes one feel good for days after the event as memories are revisited.

Third, I would pay money to gain an experience in comparison to buy any expensive jewelry. Experiences help an individual to grow and look beyond. Experiences are forever while pleasure from other things may not last for long time. Thus, investing money in a concert is more significant to me.

In conclusion, I will attend a concert if I have received a gift of money. The concert will give me a chance to see the famous celebrities performing in a live setting. Attending a concert can help me take a break from my daily work schedule. It will add to my experiences and will make me feel good.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 19, 2016   #2
Hi Payal, upon reading your essay, you have a very classic approach in answering the question when it comes to this kind of situation. Money as a gift, definitely means a lot to people, for some, money saves lives, most of the time it's a piece of paper that is earned and spent the next day. What I'm trying to say is, money is a material thing that is meant to disappear and re- appear the next time.

Furthermore, as munch as you essay is very entertaining, the reasons or probabilities of you spending your money is quiet realistic, realistic because, the last part of the essay didn't come as strong as the previous ones, I say this because, experience cannot be bought, or do you mean, you are going to study or pay for training in order to gain experience, then yes, this is going to be relevant to the the previous paragraphs.

Overall, it's a well managed and properly written essay, aside from the observation above, I hope you will be able to send a clearer revised format of the last 2 paragraphs. Keep writing.
OP payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 19, 2016   #3
Thanks for your feedback. I agree the last two paragraphs are not that strong. I wanted to increase the word limit of this essay. I will definitely revise this essay and repost it on this thread ASAP

Thanks
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 20, 2016   #4
Hi Payal, thank you for acknowledging our feedback.
While you're at your revision, mind the following;

- the flow of the essay, each paragraph should coincide with the previous one, as mentioned in my first review

- in your conclusion, it's as if you made a summary of the essay, though this is a usual practice, you can decide to change it or create a different approach. Say for example, writing a general opinion on money being given as gifts, please find my thoughts below.

Overall, money as a gift can definitely give you a lot of different choices, it's pretty much a gift of choice in a form of money. Though not necessarily advisable, I prefer money to gift to my love ones and myself, simply because, it's more appropriate, you give more freedom to the person you are giving it too. Money is seen as the root of everything, bad or good, but hey, money is an earthly piece that is meant to be spent and earned. The cycle goes on.

There you it Payal, I hope with this insights, you will be able to provide and come up with an even stronger essay.


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