IELTS - GT: On recent Holiday you lost valuable item, claim to insurance

Dear Friends,
I would be grateful to you all if you could review my letter from all perspective, including " Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, grammar, etc and give me a BAND SCORE.

"On recent holiday you lost a valuable item. Fortunately, you have travel insurance to cover the cost of any thing lost. Write a letter to the manager of your insurance company. In your letter,

- Describe the item you lost
- Explain how you lost it
- Tell the insurance company what would you like them to do"

Dear Sir/ Madam,

Hope you will be doing well. I am writing this to let you know while I arrived in Singapore to spend my holidays, I lost my suitcase due to poor hotel arrangement which was organized by you in a complete package including travel insurance.

My suitcase contained the RADO watch that I had bought from USA during my last trip. The cost of the watch was 2000 dollars and the total cost of the suitcase might be around 2500 dollars.

Actually, when I arrived at airport, the hotel management had sent a car along with driver to drop me at the hotel. After check in at hotel, while driver was removing my luggage out of car I found out that my suitcase was missing. Upon inquiry with driver, he said that he never saw any suitcase at airport and he didn't put it in the car in first place so someone might have stolen it at airport while we were settling in the car.

Afterwards, I made a complaint to hotel management on driver's lack of responsibility and poor luggage handling but I didn't receive any positive feedback from hotel management as per them they were not responsible for it.

Fortunately, I had opted for travel insurance from your company so I am writing this to claim for my lost suitcase which has my expensive RADO watch and I want you to approve my claim and process it as soon as possible so that I can get payment and buy another RADO watch from local dealer.

Yours faithfully
Shezad

This letter is not an informal letter which you write to a known person. This is an official letter that you write to get an insurance claim. So, it is a formal letter. The above sentence is not so appropriate for a formal letter :(


Here, the most important point is to tell them that you have an insurance cover with their company. So you need to give the details of your cover for them to trace your records in their files. In the introduction you need to do that.

There are a few gramattical errors. You need to work on that. I'd probably give you about 6. Also, remove the first sentence Hope you are doing well.

Thanks dumi and all for your advise.

Would you please let me know how to start this instead of writing "Hope you will be doing well"

... advise - verb / advice- noun (e.g. she advised me / I take her advice )
Ok :)


... generally travel insurance company is a separate entity who handles insurance only. Your travel agent only arrange your hotels. So, it is dangerous to blame the insurance guys for hotel booking. :D

Dear Sir/ Madam.
I am Shezad ???(write your full name), the holder of the insurance cover policy ??????(give some reference)with your company. I write this letter to inform you about my lost baggage on the(date)

Thanks Dummy for correction from "Advise to Advice :-)

One more thanks for mentioning the good introduction paragraph. The only thing that I would like to ask is "Can I start introduction like this"

I am Shezad Khan, the holder of the TAWANYA insurance cover policy under reference number JWXYZ123. I am writing this to inform you about my suitcase that was lost on 15th January 2014 during my recent holiday trip at Singapore". I lost my suitcase due to poor services provided by hotel management at Singapore.

That's how it should be :D


Let's change this a bit;
I am writing this letter to inform you about the loss of my suitcase while I was travelling to Singapore for my holiday.


This is actually not needed. The insurance company would be interested in knowing where and how you lost it. So give more details about at what point you found the baggage was lost and where was it. The above sentence sounds like you are trying to pass the blame on somebody.

Thanks Dummy, I really appreciate your positive feedback and support.