Essay IELTS - Children nowadays watch significantly more television than than in the past
Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children?
In many years recent, the rate of youngsters watching television amplification in a hurry. Absolutely, the number is more tempestuous than in the past. So the television is a tendency which takes the edge off children's activities. There are multifarious reasons leading to this phenomenon and various strategies to encourage them to be more active.
Essentially, the development of technology is more and more successful. As a result, television becomes a necessary thing in almost family. Moreover, in view of the fact that the film is procedured additionally special effect, interesting content. So all of that manufactures diverse programs which enrapture a greater number of children viewers. The other reason for the build-up of television viewing in the children is linked with the way their parents educate them. Because they let their child pay attention to television at a very early age and for a long time. Naturally, that manner makes up their predisposition to join the television. As we can see, television is a good tool to alleviate prostration. But watching television too much is turn to negative position due to kiddie's health and skill.
However, the outdoors activity such as football, badminton, cycle, swim that is a quality for kiddies to learn and grow. One approach which could be taken to galvanize young children is to recommend them to take part in beneficial groups and travel. Furthermore, the parents must be taken the time to do interesting outdoor activities and circumscribe hour's watching television.
In short, the contemporary technology, the transcendence of television's programs contribute with the education in family influence on their television watching habits. As we discussed above, there are several methods to face up to the problem of increased television viewing and decreased physical activities in today's children.
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I am afraid that the writer's exaggerated form of word usage is the biggest problem with regards his writing skills. This essay sounds more like a dictionary was used for word references. The writer chose complicated sounding words and used them. Unfortunately she did not understand the meaning of the word, nor how to use it properly in a sentence. He tried too hard to impress and failed. Word usage, when done properly increases the score across all considerations. Used improperly and you end up with this failing score presentation. There is no reason for this essay to recieve a passing score in any aspect because of wrong word usage, wrong sentence structure throughout, and a lack of coherence in the thought presentations.
You should consider the context before choosing to use a complicated word.
Just as the expert consultant said, I think you are using too many complicated words which is making it hard for the reader to fully comprehend the message you are trying to portray. You also have a few grammar and punctuation errors. Such as "..." which can be replaced by "television ... a necessary thing in almost all families." Just re-read and find more sentences like this that don't make sense and make the appropriate changes. I can not comprehend what you are trying to say in this sentence, "... film is procedure additionally special effect..." Overall just make sure that your reader will understand the message after reading it.
When I read, I was amazed by the words you chose. Actually it is a good approach to have a piece of academic writing but you should lessen the times you use them. You should focus on the way you analyse the given question and you express your ideas.
Most of the sentences here are simple sentences, which you can link some together to make a more complicated sentence. In other words, the length of your sentences seems the same.
Corrected: Moreover... special effect; therefore, all of that ... of children viewers.
Corrected: ... tool to alleviate prostration but watching television ...
In addition, I believe that "procedure" is a noun. I already checked and there is nothing related to verbial term.
Outdoors activity must be outdoor activity
Those above are my recommendation. I wish they would be helpful.
Here are my recommendations:
1. It is "television
2. there are several methods to "address" the problem.
3. "kiddies" are informal and should not be used in IELTS writing. It is also not recommended to start a sentence with "so" in formal writting.
great academic words and an attractive style when it comes to your essay.