(IELTS Essay) In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a Positive or negative development?

Nowadays, the trend of doing shopping from mega shopping malls instead of local stores has risen significantly. Majority of the consumers are now avoiding small local stores in their daily purchase which are resulting in closure of the many. In my view this is a negative advancement because it harms retail wages as well as the environment.

To being with, the wide preferences of public to do shopping in bigger shopping centers are creating problems for the small ventures. Being neglected by the customers, a lot of local businesses have been closed and the remaining are under serious threats from this newly developed shopping style. As a result, the closures of these small shops have affected the livelihood of a large segment of the society because of lost in employment of the workers linked with smaller scale businesses. It is evident from recent survey of Pakistan Bureau of Statistics that around 30 percent local shops have been closed in the vicinity of bigger shopping centers in Lahore.

Moreover, it also takes into account that the constructions of mega shopping centers is negatively affecting the environment. That is to say, these stores require skyscrapers to operate their business in contrast to the small, local businesses which lined in the streets and does not requires any new building. Furthermore, the local businesses are eco-friendly as most of their customers can access these through a simple walk. However, the shoppers of large store chains have to used private cars or public transport which is causing harmful effects on the environment concerning to high rate of carbon emissions.

To conclude, I would assert that the large shopping chains replacing local businesses is a negative trend. Not only do they effect the livelihood of those linked with these but also contributing to the environmental pollution.

(300 Words)

The second sentence in your prompt restatement is a problem. While it does represent a part of the original prompt, a personal opinion was included in the sentence. That made the restatement an unrelated representation of the original prompt. Therefore, it will not be considered a correct restatement, lowering the score of that paragraph. A personal opinion should only be presented in the thesis statement after the writer's clear opinion is presented. However, your writer's opinion and thesis statement already blend beautifully in this paragraph so that incorrect reference will just be used to deduct from the overall paragraph score. Next time, restate only as indicated, without additional information.

As far as reasoning paragraphs are concerned, your first reasoning paragraph contains repetitive statements and fails to actually explain the opinion. There are too many topic sentences presented, but very little by way of explanation, leading to a confusing paragraph that would lead to a lower C+C score for the paragraph.

Word usage is also a problem here. You are using English words incorrectly such as effect instead of affect, which affect the overall sentence structure and paragraph presentation. You really need to focus on clarity and word usage in your writing so try to develop these aspects when you practice your grammar lessons.