Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback   7

Recognising the heat loss in a house is a way to save much energy


The diagram shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

The diagram gives information about air leaking out and leaking into the house which is causes heat is lost and energy wasted. Overall, it can be seen that, heat is lost into the house through several ways which occur by air getting into the house. And energy will be wasted through several vents in the some rooms.

Based on the diagram, in the house consist of Bathroom fan vent, Plumbing stack vent, attic hatch, recessed lights, chase, kitchen fan vent, electrical outlet, dryer vent, crawl space and outdoor faucet. The air enter into the house and several items such as light, kitchen will result heat but it will be lost through the several vent, which are Plumbing stack vent, kitchen fan vent, dryer vent. Air leaking out of the house and heat is lost.

Besides, energy will wasted in a house, because air leaking out of the house. This is happen in the dryer vent and crawl space. Air will leak out and into the house which take place below of soil.





Hi
leaking out and leaking into= going in and out of ...
which is causes heat and energyis lost and energywasted
heat is lost into from
which occurs by
in the house consists of
The air enters into
through the several vents
energy will be wasted
This is happens
Hello, Reski :)
Here are some additional suggestions for your essay.

The diagram gives information about the process of air leaking out and leaking into the house which is causescaused the lost of heat and energy. Overall, it can be seen that,the heat goes out from the house through several ways which are the same ways to get into the house.AndAlso, energy will be wasted ...

[There is a different ways of using "also" and "and" although they have the equal meaning]

Based on the diagram, in the house consist of Bathroom fan vent, Plumbing ...

[I would suggest you to avoid this pattern since it seems shopping list, and you will lose mark in the test. The one you need to do is making comparisons about the illustrated figure. Tell what the differences between the way air comes to and goes out from every room is]

Keep practice, Resky :)
Hello Reski.
this is my suggestion.
actually you have good essay. i can understand your essay well, but let me give you some suggests

1. don't forget to add conjunction when you mention examples/ something more than one
i think you should add conjunction "and" for this sentence and don't forget to place comma before "but" "and"

...Plumbing stack vent, kitchen fan vent,and dryer vent.

2. to avoid usage conjunction "and" in beginning of sentence.
e.g.: And Meanwhile, energy will ...

3. there is missing verb, better you add verb
e.g.: Air will leak out and flow into the house which ...

overall good job. keep writing. good luck
Aloha, here is my thought;

(1) The diagram gives the information about air leaking out and leaking into the house which is causes heat is lost and energy wasted.
(2) ... heat is lost into the house through several ways which occur by air getting ...
(3) AndAlso, energy will be wasted through severalvarious vents(I think, main door also includes) in the some rooms.
(4) Based on the diagram, in the house (...), crawl space and outdoor faucet.(I think, you do not need to include this sentence om your essay)

(5) The air enterenters(singular subject + verb additional infinitive) into the house (...), kitchen will result heat but it will be lost through the ...(you'd better explain more this process to make readers understand)

(6) Air leaking out of the house and heat is lost.(what do you mind about this sentence?)
(7) overall, you should give more explanation regarding to this picture. However, I, personally, acknowledge how difficult to describe this diagram, yet we can conveniently write this process if we can group this correctly.
Hello eki! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

(1) The diagram gives the information about air leaking out and leaking into the house which is causes by heat is lost and energy wasted.

(2) ... seen that, heat is lost into the house (...) which occurs by air getting ...

(3) AndIn addition, energy will be (...) vents in the some rooms.
Avoid using FANBOY in the first sentence

(4) ... in the house consist of Bathroom fan vent, Plumbing stack vent...
You do not have to mention each room in the house, just try to mention it which is followed by the explanation

(5) The air enter into the house and several ...
The air enter into the house through several items, such as small gaps in the light and kitchen's circulation.

(6) BesidesHowever or On the other hand, energy will (...), because air leakingleaks out of the house.

(7) This is happens in the dryer vent ...
Hi, I want to give some comments

1. ... which is causescaused heat is lost and ...
If you want to use passive, you can use to be + past participle
causes ----> caused

2. in the house consists of Bathroom fan ...
Remember plural and singular, in the sentence you give many examples, hence use plural forms

3. .. several items such as light,. kitchen will result ...
You need to use full stop if you begin with new sentence

Thank you


Home / Writing Feedback / Recognising the heat loss in a house is a way to save much energy