Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.
"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
Please review this and help me to grade it.
The statement about the recording cotemporary life from video camera accurately and convincingly it-self contradictory. Though for the record of family amusing activity , entertainment purpose, and cultural purpose it is suitable ,however, but for the purpose of official activities like documentation of official records it is unrelevent.
The recorded materials itself become very difficult to analysis . For example the record of map of particular area. It will be unsuitable to record in video. Also for the analysis purposes searching in video camara is very difficult task. Similarly many treaty either local issue or international political issues, recording in video is itself illogical .For example International conference about global warming all the country presented their idea and the documentation in video , itself illogical.
The recorded items from video camara may not include all the necessities at a time. The required information either may be lacking or misrepresented. For example the earthquake in Nepal , that was happen in April, 25 ,2015 the CC Camara record do not include all the moments. For the detail description and informing future generation other form of documentation like written documentation is necessary.Day by day many diseaster like flood , quake and war happens through out the word , documentation of all the events is not possible. Similarly the explanation of the recording items to the interesting people is also challenging and banal, because people mostly use video for entertainment purpose not for enlightening purpose.
Similary, it is always not possible to carry video camara to capture each and every incidents. For this purpose we need video camara all the time with us . But it is not possible . If luckly camara is avialble then other necessities like battery , stand for camara is also required which is itself illogical .
Since recording from video camara not necessierly include all the requirement , analysis of result itself very difficult , and it is not always possible to carry camara all the time video camara cannot give convincing record of contemporary life all the time.
Hi Phuyal, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website helpful as well as useful to your revision. We strive for excellence in all writing reviews we provide and may we be able to guide you in creating well written articles such as this one at hand.
Having said that, please find some suggested modifications below;
- The statement about the recording con temporary
- convincingly in itself isit-self contradictory.
- Though for the record of family amusingentertainment activity , entertainment purpose, and cultural purpose
- but for the purpose
- is unreleventnot relevant .
- The recorded materials itself becomes very
- difficult to analysisanalyze .
- Also, for the analysis,purposes
- searching in video camarawith the use of a video camera is a very difficult task.
- Similarly, many
- recording in video recording is not logicalis itself illogical .
- For example, International conference
- about global warming, all theparticipating countriescountry presented their idea
- and the documentation in video , itself illogical .
There you have it Phuyal, as you can see, this initial remarks are already mounting with suggestions to modify the essay, this is because, your ideas are quiet confusing, the vocabulary you used are unusual as well as not necessarily inclined to the idea you are trying to impart to your readers. I suggest you familiarize yourself with the proper English vocabulary and how you can relate them in your sentences. Knowing which word and how they are to be placed in your sentences will help you come up with better sentences.
Hi Phuyal, here's the second leg and the final modifications for your essay.
- The recorded items from a video
- camaracamera may not
- information can either may be lacking of information or misrepresented.
- that was happenit happened in April, 25 ,2015
- the CC Camaracamera record
- does not include all the moments that occurred in this tragic event .
- For the detailed description
- and informinginformation for future
- Day by day,many diseasterdisasters like flood ,
- Similarly, the explanation
- of the recordingrecorded items
- tofor the interestingof the
- for enlightening purposesharing or proper documentation .
- SimilaryAlso , it is
- always not always possible
- But it is not possible .- this phrase is not necessary as we have established this idea in the beginning of the paragraph
- If luckly camara is avialble then other necessities like battery , stand for camara is also required which is itself illogical .- this sentence can be eliminated too.
- SinceAs recording from a
- video camara not necessierly include all the requirement , analysis of result itself very difficult , and it is not always possible to carry camara all the time video camara cannot give convincing record of contemporary life all the time.camera is not as reliable as other methods of documentation in preserving information, thus, recording is just one effective way to capture memories but not necessarily to keep pertinent information.
There you have it Phuyal, I hope you can follow through with the modifications. For future writing reference, widen your vocabulary, practice the language more often and draft as much as you can, this way you can see your progress, also, avoid repeating the same idea all through out the essay, it doesn't help you at all, it just makes the essay confusing.
Dinesh123
Hy Ivy Thank you very much. Could you please provide me outline of paragraph of an essay.
Hi Phuyal, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, I do hope that this is just the start of yet another partnership.
Now, I'm not sure of your request for an outline or paragraph of an essay. What do you exactly mean, are we talking about the same essay?, because I will not be able to write one for you, we are here to review and improve your work and not to do the original or the base part for you. Anyhow, if you have any topic that you want my idea for, let me know so I can provide you with feedbacks and insights.
Further to your writing, learn and practice the English language religiously, one thing you can do is watching English movies or series, new perhaps, reading is also a great alternative, this way you will learn how words are are used in a sentence, the idea, the thought and how they are manifested in the essay or the reading material. To get better in this craft needs a lot of work and dedication, it also pays when you read other students work here on EF, this will give you the chance to do a healthy competition and drive to be better than what you are reading.
