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IELTS- Task 2: How to reduce car use

Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 28, 2020   #1
Topic: There is a good deal of evidence that increasing car use is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people's health and well-being.

What can be done to discourage people from using their cars?

This is my second essay. I have corrected some mistakes and I hope to recieve some useful advice from you! Thanks a lot!
Summary: 1. giving prize for using transport
2. rising tax of car
3 provide education about the devastating effects of car use to nature.
(290 words)
There is a growing belief, based on physical data, that automobile operations has an effect on the population's mindset and fitness. Due to these considerations, it is important to address the way that the public use their autos. Here are some considerable solutions to lessen the gasoline vehicles use.

To begin with, the most efficient solution is to encourage inhabitants to use public transports by giving the peole who most frequently travel by public vehicles some valuable awards. These awards can be a free year using tram, bus... or an eco-friendly vehicle such as bike or electronic motorbike. Obviously, making people feel that they are taking advantage while using public transports is the best way to reduce automobile use.

Another effective solution is to increase the tax of gasoline car while remaining the same tax of electronic vehicles. By dong this proposal, not only can we cut down on the diesel car purchase but we can also promote many people to use public transports and buy eco-friendly vehicle. However, this plan can be objected by many people due to the common desirable car purchase .

Last but not least, widely provide education about the essential of protecting environment is also a simple solution to discourage everyone from using private automobile. In my opinion, apart from some exceptions, nobody want to ruin their habitats if they are taught profoundly about how the car use seriously affects the evironment and as a result, people will naturally cut down on the amount of using car.

All things aforementioned, I have a strong belief that those solutions above will bring a huge amount of benefits to either people's well being or the earth. Giving prize for using public transport is what is needed above all.
bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 28, 2020   #2
@Tracy Tram
Hi Trâm, (em/ mình là người Việt nên nói tiếng Việt luôn nha ^^)

Em/ mình thấy bài của chị khá ổn, nhưng có một số chỗ dùng từ em/ mình chưa thấy hợp lí lắm. Bạn/ chị check it nha.

-automobile operations has => have
-award: a prize or a sum of money that a person or organization is given for an achievement. Vì award mang nghĩa là giải thưởng nhiều hơn, nên em/ mình suggest sử dụng từ "offer" nhe.

-do propasal. Em/ mình nghĩa do chỗ này không hợp lí khi đi với proposal, nên em/ mình suggest sử dụng "promoting/ launching proposal"

Bên cạnh đó, dấu "..." cũng kiêng kị trong bài luôn á.

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