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Reducing the walking distance.


Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jun 5, 2015   #1
Topic - some people are reducing their walks.however many health experts say that walking is the best exercise to maintain health.why do people wal less? what might encourage people to walk longer distances?

It is universally acknowledged that health is wealth.Presently,walking is supposed to be a huge privilege for health of mankind.According to health professional,strolling daiy is effective for maintaining the health.But the interest of people toward walking is plunging day by day.In this essay i will analyze the leadind causes of the as well as its solution.,

Commencing with the first reason to justify my point is availability of transportation either it is public or private.People have lack of time in this busiest world and therefore,they want to cover distance by using transport modes in order to save their valuable time.Weather is also one of the factor for reducing the walking distance.For instance,people find it hard to walk in hot,humid and in extreme cold conditions.Furthermore,due to increased rate in street crime people shortened their strolling or quit it completely.

In addition,the access to fitness centre also contribute towards the reducing walk yards.For example,all fitness centre have equipment and machinery for people to have walk or jog.Apart from this,due to sacrce of land and space in most of the indeveloped and incipient countries do not have enough footpath for pedestrian.

On the other hand,Government should take initiative to encourage the people for walking,Firstly,they need to put the CCTV cameras or streets to reduce the crime.Secondly,they should provide pavements across the roads for walking,Lastly,they shoul spent some part of the tax in order to build the gardens and parks,whereppeople walk easily.However,here health and all medical checkup institution come forward and maske aware people about the benefits of walking.As a result,people know about all the pros and adopt this beneficial exercise.

To conclude,i would like to say that due to multiple reasons people are afraid to walk on street and reduce their foot walk.But for encouraging people to walk more authorities and health centre need to take some steps to aware about the benefits of this.

Plz band it.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 6, 2015   #2
- According to health professional,strolling daiydaily is effective for maintaining the health.

- In this essay i will analyze the leadindleading causes of the as well as its solution.,

- People have lack of time in this busiestbusy world and therefore,they want to cover distance by using modes of transport modes in order to save their valuable time.

- Apart from this,due to sacrcescarce of land and space in most of the indevelopedunder developed and incipient countries do not have enough footpath for pedestrian.

- On the other hand,Government should take initiative to encourage the people for walking,Firstlyfirst ,they need to put the CCTV cameras or streets to reduce the crime.

- SecondlyThen ,they should provide pavements across the roads for walking,

- Lastly,they shoulshouldspentspend some part of the tax in order to build the gardens and parks,

- whereppeoplewhere people walk easily.

- However,here health and all medical checkup institution come forward and maskemake aware people about the benefits of walking.

- But for encouraging people to walk more authorities and health centre need to take some steps to make people aware about the benefits of this.

Jaggi, the corrections I made on your essay is mostly spelling mistake and this can be avoided if you turn on your spell check, so please do.

Also, proof read your essay as it will you check your mistakes and enhance your essay further.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jun 6, 2015   #3
I have made some more suggestions to help you edit your essay. I hope these changes will help you.

1st paragraph: I think you should change your tense. You should open with "It has been" rather than it is. In the next sentence, "the" should be placed before health. You can make "professional" plural by adding -s to the end. Delete the after maintaining. The next sentence needs to be changed completed. You should state that, "Yet, the interest of people walking is decreasing." (If this information is taken from a source, you can quote it. However, use quotation marks and cite the source). The next sentence place a comma after essay and capitalize, "I". I'm unsure what you will be analyzing. Is this a reduction in walking?

2nd paragraph: Delete "it is" before public. Change the verb have to "having a". You can make "factor" plural by adding -s to the end. Extreme should be extremely. Place an before increased.

3rd paragraph: ...due to the scarcity of land and space in most undeveloped and incipient countries, there are fewer footpaths for pedestrians.

4th paragraph: Change this sentence to: "On the other hand, the government should take the initiative to encourage people to walk."
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Jun 7, 2015   #4
This essay is organized well, with 5he intro, conclusion, and 3 paragraph body! Good job on that. However, you need attention to grammar and punctuation to make itstronger. Your verb conjugations need attention.

I will analyze...

Use the intro to specify which reasons people walk less. Take the body paragraph ideas, and introduce them in the opening paragraph.

Commencing with my first reason...

Redundant. CORRECTED: To begin with...

Just say the idea about available transportation. The idea is a good reason to walk less. It sells itself. You don't have to use extra words to emphasize it.

need to take some steps to aware...

CORRECTED: need to take steps to make people aware...

Again, the grammar needs correcting, and shorten the explanation.

I think you just need some polishing of your verb conjugations, and chopping excessive verbiage, and you will have a strong essay.

ef _carol
OP Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jun 7, 2015   #5
Tnx to all for explaining about my mistakes.
vincenm 11 / 26  
Jun 7, 2015   #6
Jaggi.

Are you writing this for TOEFL for something else?

Can you add the edited essay?
aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
Jun 8, 2015   #7
Hallo Jaggie,
I would give you some suggestion.

Commencing with the first reason to justify my point is availability of transportation either it is public or private.People have lack of time in this busiest world and therefore,they want to cover distance by using transport modes in order to save their valuable time.Weather is also one of the factor for reducing the walking distance.For instance,people find it hard to walk in hot,humid and in extreme cold conditions.Furthermore,due to increased rate in street crime people shortened their strolling or quit it completely.

1. This paragraph will be better if you incorporate some scientific facts in your example; therefore the readers will acquire new understanding after seeing your essay.

2. Be careful in using the word "I", you should put a capital world.

Thank you.
alif 12 / 13 2  
Jun 8, 2015   #8
hallo jaggi.

In addition,the access to fitness centre also contribute towards the reducing walk yards.For example,all fitness centre have equipment and machinery for people to have walk or jog.Apart from this,due to sacrce of land and space in most of the indeveloped and incipient countries do not have enough footpath for pedestrian.

i think all of your ideas is excellent, let me suggest you that you should explain more in this paragraph to complete your idea.

good luck !


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