It is concluded that it is the man dependence to purchase things and advertisements have no effects. However, in the case of children it is difficult for parents to control them. It is the duty of government to ban such advertisements which exploit the society.
I like this paragraph. However, you need more work to improve it in order to earn a good score for your exam.
The perfect ending to an essay, I worked with this structure (when facing my previous exam) :
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)
Hope this help you :)