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IELTS Writing task 2 - Relationship between young and old generation

R_Sand03 2 / 2  
Jul 27, 2017   #1

gap of communication between generations

Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case ? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In this vast growing world, the adult people look like more strength and influence than young generations in the past. I will discuss the case and the effect on relationship between young adult and elder people.

In a different parts of the world, the people who are born in this so called modern era are more likely to know many things faster than the people who born in a few decades ago, due to the fact that right now there are so many technologies which can provide information and data, or many devices which can help their everday life. In this case for example, at very young age, children when they want to play, are often been introduced to a gadget like a phone tablet, which is just after few times using that device, then they are be able to use them properly. Furthermore in another case,there is a 5 yrs old child is often search some explanation on the internet if he see or hear something from his parent, that will make them having more knowledge than a child on the few decades ago.

The children who grow up with that often show more power and knowledge when they talk, the impact are when they face a situation which they have to confronted elderly people. When they use many popular languages when talk, the old people who may not understand to this new develop language often get some confusion and may lead to missunderstanding.

In conclusion, if this kind of situation will continue, there might be some long connection gap of communication between young and old generation in the future.

Please give me advices and IELTS score prediction
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,666 4113  
Jul 27, 2017   #2
Perdana, I will be lenient here and score this a 5 based on the new IELTS Task 2 Scoring system. In the old system, this would have scored a 4. The reason that your score is not so high is because you have a problem expressing yourself coherently in English. It is tremendously difficult to keep track of what you are trying to say and you have grammatical and punctuation errors, such as the lack of full stops and the existence of run - on sentences, that severely affected the message of your essay. As such, I was left with no recourse but to mark you down for those errors crossing the 4 scoring considerations.

More importantly, you made a severe mistake in the opening paraphrase which led me to realize that you have an understanding of the English language but have poor sentence development skills. Compare what you wrote in the prompt paraphrase to what I have written here, which is the correct version:

Young people today are perceived to have more power and influence these days than the older generations. While little is understood about why this happens, I will attempt to give an explanation for it in this essay. Additionally, I will analyze what sort of effect such a trend has on the relationship of the young and old generations existing in today's world.

In your version of the paraphrase, you said the older generation has more influence than the young, which is a reversal of what the original prompt provided. Hence, the mark down in your task accuracy score for that section. However, I considered the rest of the essay and saw that your discussion related to the original prompt so I decided to score it accordingly instead.

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