Many people believe that it is not a realistic idea for automobile manufactures to release cars with auto-driving systems. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the advantages that this strategy brings would outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, auto-driving cars cannot be used as a complete alternative to cars with drivers due to some unexpected digital problems. It is undeniable that there are many things which can happen on the road, such as other cars, weather, road condition so that the systems must be designed to calculate and handle flawlessly all of these outcomes. If not, it may lead to be uncontrollable and be a cause of accident when it deals with those in practice.
Nevertheless, automatic vehicles will play as a useful tool to secure traffic order and diminish traffic death per year. If every driver followed the traffic rules firmly, there would not be any accidents could ever happen. Therefore, it is reasonable if all the cars were computerized to follow the traffic regulations because systems are easier to be synchronized than people. According to annual statistics, more than 60 percent of accidents in 2019 in Vietnam resulted from citizen's poor awareness of traffic law. It is clear that if cars were programmed to fulfill the rule instead of depending on awareness of drivers, the accidents per year would definitely decline.
To sum up, while there are some disadvantages to manufacturing auto-driving vehicles, it is evident that it is more beneficial to release them due to the value that they will bring to human-being.
So the problem i could see is the length of your essay. You should not let each paragraph too short and put something like: "this essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this issue" in introduction. The left seems to be very solid.
Thanks a lot for you help, I'll try my best to not let each paragraph too short next time.
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You have actually written just the right number of sentences within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You have to write 3-5 sentences for the reasoning paragraphs. As for the opening and closing paraphrase, sometimes you can only write 3 sentences for those paragraphs. Other times, you can write up to 5. You cannot write 2 sentences for those paragraphs as those would be improperly formatted paragraphs and lower your score.
You gave a proper opinion as required by the question asked in the original presentation. The problem, is that you did not directly respond to the question. YOu should have indicated the personal opinion in this section by saying that "I believe that... I base my opinion on the reasons that (1) and (2)."
You should have followed the single opinion type of discussion for this essay. Once you know which opinion you would like to support, you could follow a discussion format that can help you score better due to the clarity of your opinion, cohesive topic presentation, and coherent reasoning sentences. The proper approach to the A/D discussion, if you want to score better is:
Sentence 1: Advantage or disadvantage (whichever side you do not support)
Sentence 2: Reason why people say this is an A or D
Sentence 3: Your opinion (A/D)
Sentence 4: Reason for your opinion
Sentence 5: Example to support your opinion
Based on the aforementioned format, you will accomplish 2 things:
- Discuss the advantages of a particular opinion
- Refute that advantage to prove your opinion as stated in your response within the paraphrased paragraph.
This will show the examiner that you clearly considered all discussion points and, clearly explained and supported your opinion based on a comparative discussion. Such a format allows you to increase your overall score, specially in the TA plus C&C sections.
In the introduction, you should state clearly your opinion. (this case you choose advantages).
You should try to use other similar words instead of "many" or "if not".
Besides, I don't think that giving the statistics is a good idea, cuz you can't remember everything, I mean in the real exam. Moreover, this is not a debate, so you don't even need to provide exact informations.
I think your first essay needs more work. You should add one more supporting idea or if you cannot think of any, just write a little more about safety problems.
For examplem, you can say that once self-driving cars become popular, a lot of taxi drivers would be out of job, and therefore, they would place a heavy burden on society.
Following are my feedbacks:
- 2nd paragraph, you should add the topic sentence such as there are a variety of disadvantages discouraging people to use automatic car. This topic sentence help reader easier following your expression. Example is expected to add in this paragraph