Over-reliance on technology & ability of humas to think for themselves

Hello frnds...

I appered in gre 2 months back,my score was not gud (quant-165,ver-152,AWA-3).I am planning to take the exam again.Here is an essay i have composed on possibly the most used essay topic.Nevertheless this is the first peice of writing by me apart from the essay i wrote on actual gre.I would like to have critical comments and also the scores any1 like to give.

Regards

topic - As people rely more n more on technology to solve problems,the ability
of humas to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Discuss to the extent u agree.consider ways in which statement might or might not hold true and explain
how those consideration shape ur position.

Essay -

I do not argee with the speaker's assertion that technological advancement has

rendered our mental abilities crippled.It is unfair to generalise technological

advancement in this respect.Technology has provided us easy ways to do things

but it does not mean that reliance on it has deteriorated our mental faculties.

If we look back from prehistoric times to stone age to modern era,it would be

seen that as the human beings have evolved over time our dependence on tools has

been increasing rampantly.From living in caves to skysrapers,travelling on foot

to supersonic jets & feeding on raw fruits/vegetables to Macdonald's

hambergers.Technologies has advanced manyfolds in this time duration.Man has

reached the depths of ocens and the extraterestrial heavenly bodies.Even our

normal day to day life is solely dependent on tools which we can call as

offsprings of technological advancement.we wake up in the morning with alarm on

digital clock,prepare coffee in coffee machine,read newspaper in tablet,commute

to office in cars,work on high end machines,enjoyment comes form video games and

TV.All this has made our lives convenient and easy.Moreover if technolgy would

be deteriorating our mental acumen then we would not have been able to develop

its advanced versions.we would have stayed complacent with the calculators and

would have not deviced supercomputes.

I woud like to concede that advancement in tehcnology spurs more advancement in

technolgy.e.g consider the fact that scientist like newton and einstein created

the foundation for modern physics and mathematics.Fourier gave us the

perspective to look at signals in a newer domain what we call as fourier

domain.Nevertheless we have not stopped at the invention of these theories and

tools.we moved on to make computer systems to realise those concepts,e.g FFT

techniques to faster the computation of fourier transform and to apply these in

complex systems like Sythetic aperture radar technolgy in remote sensing for

monitoring our globe as well as the universe.

In my opinion Technology has created abstraction levels which are wrongly

perceived as the deterioration in our thinkig capabilities.take an example of

Car,everyone who drives a car need not know the compression schemata of the

engines or the polymer composition of tyres.A little knowledge about the system

do help us to diagnose or fix small problems but more than this is not required

by a normal car user.Human brain has limited storage capability and here

abstraction provides us to live were the reqired amount of information

only.Abstraction also spawns professionalism in us.We need to know and master

some specific discipline with some hereabouts regarding the other disciplines

but we need not know the minutia of evrything.That the beauty of technological

advancement.We need not know the machine language or neworking principles to

work on a computer system.

It is true that technology makes our lives easy.It creates time for us which

would otherwise be used in doing mundane chores of ours.Now its up to us how we

utilise that time.We can spare it in playing video games or wacthing television

or we can fulfill our social responsibilty by teaching a poor child who cant

afford to go to school.In conclusion i would like to say that we have created

technology and it is upto us wether we become slaves of it and loose ourselves

or let it do the day to day work and indulge ourselves in higher pursuits of

life.

Hi! I think it's great you are trying to improve your writing skills. What I noticed in your essay is that you have poor comprehension and composition, but a good vocabulary. It is better to have stronger composition and use everyday language than to randomly throw in big words. Also, use a space after periods. Your word processor probably has spell check, go ahead and do that.