Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Writing Task II , Relocating giant industries to regional area


Cachaaaaaaaa 28 / 38 3  
Oct 20, 2016   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The giant cooperation is getting larger in the city cent re. One of the solutions given by the authority is to relocate their buildings outside the downtown. While this policy would cause several demerits in relocation point, I do believe that moving the industries to rural area has many advantages than disadvantages.

Pollution is one of the drawbacks when some industries move to remote area. Innumerable vehicles surely will pass outside the city and the high risk of cars and motorcycles pollution makes the quality of fresh air is hard to be found. The increase of population is another demerit of this issue, and the gradual problem will be the increase of crime rate in rural area same as happened in metropolis. Finally pollution and population will be the possible effects if relocation of business and industries dislocated outside the downtown.

Despite this, there are several advantages of moving the giant corporations to remote area. One of the prominent/major benefits is the infrastructure will be developed in regional area such as public transportation and gas station. In addition, displacing big industries to backwater will add many job opportunities for the inhabitants. To illustrate, the local dwellers can apply for a job in the particular organisation that had moved to their place, or even they can make their own job field such as building restaurants and mini markets. Moreover, by taking policy to dislocate industries outside the city centre by the government will ease unbalanced population between the downtown and remote area.

All in all, I do believe that the policy maker should displace such a giant industries to regional zones which it can enhance the living standard of the rural inhabitants and increase the economical earnings of those areas.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Oct 21, 2016   #2
Russel, you actually crafted your essay in a manner that shows an understanding of the prompt. You were able to discuss, in your own way, the advantages and disadvantages of relocating giant industries. Your reasons are logical and commonly known. However, the paragraphs would have created a better discussion if you had managed to offer more than just an overview of the advantages and disadvantages through a more thorough discussion of the topics you presented. Maybe offering at least 3 discussion sentences as part of each reason. Like i said though, the essay is good enough as it stands, but it could have been better.

Also, when you present the essay content, remember to follow the format that the prompt provides it in. Therefore, the advantages should have been presented before the disadvantages. That is because the disadvantage discussion is the main focus of the essay. Being the actual topic means that the disadvantage discussion should have been presented as the stronger discussion towards the middle of the essay. That way your concluding paragraph is better helped by the previous statement.

Your conclusion is also too short. Try to make it longer next time by doing an actual summary of the prompt before restating your facts and closing sentence. That is the normal format for a conclusion that should always be followed.


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task II , Relocating giant industries to regional area