Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS 2 - Relocating industries and businesses from urban industries to regional areas.

NurulAini 1 / -  
Feb 26, 2020   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and business to move to regional areas outside the big cities.

do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Government motivate companies to relocate industries and business from urban to outlying in some countries. I totally agree although companies will spend amount of money to transportation cost but it will reduce emissions pollution in cities areas.

On the one hand, relocating business and factories to outside big city appears risk of transportation because distributing product takes further distance. Companies would spend abundant of money to distribute the product for consumers. For instance, product distributes to public will need take much time and fuel to transportation so that companies should increase price of products. Consequence, the price of product in market increase from the first price to cover transportation cost.

On the other hand, certain areas is suitable place to build companies because it is further from society environment. Moving out industrial area will minimize emission pollution in the city atmosphere. For example industrial always produce emissions, which harm to individuals physical health. Some research institutes have proved that those live close to the industrial zones within 10 kilometers have a much higher risk of getting cancers because they breath litter air every day. Other positive effect for society, the companies give job opportunities to society in the rural areas. The factory can recruit employees with have low economics around regional areas so that improving their living standard.

To sum up, relocating industry in regional zones gain risk of transportation but it have big positive impact on society in healthy. I believe as time goes the factory will develop in production although further from public areas.

(words 256)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,116 3262  
Feb 26, 2020   #2
This is not an extent essay. You should not have discussed it as such. An extent essay asks "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" This essay discussion instruction is asking you "do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages ?" There is a big difference in the response format for the two. Your TA section will lose points because you did not respond in the following manner:

I believe that this action by the governing councils have more benefits than problems. I will present some of the benefits in this essay to prove my point.

Your response was nowhere near the prompt requirement. For that you will be judged as having a response that is totally unrelated to the task. Hence, you will get one of the lowest TA section scores. That means, I do not even have to review the rest of the essay, if I were the examiner, you would have already failed due to your inability to properly respond to a question given to you.

Although your body of paragraphs relate to the topic, your TA score is based on the relevance of your paraphrases and responses to the prompt, both of which you failed to properly address in the essay. Since the TA is more than half your score, properly discussing in the body of paragraphs, then having other errors in the remaining sections ensures that your essay will not reach a 5 band score.
Gaucho 8 / 15  
Feb 26, 2020   #3
Some grammatical and spelling mistakes:

- I totally agree. Although ... money ON transportation COST, BUT it will reduce POLLUTANT emissions POLLUTION in cities AREAS.
- ... factories to THE outside big city appears THE risk of ...
- ... abundant OF money to distribute the product TO consumers.
- ... distributes to THE public will need TO take much ... increase THE price of products.
- ... price of THE product in THE market ...
- ..., certain areas ARE A suitable place ... from THE society environment.
- ... that those WHO live ... they BREATHE litter air every day.
- ANOTHER positive effect ON society, THE companies ... in THE rural areas.
- ... employees with HAVE low ...
- ... gain THE risk of transportation but it HAS A BIG positive ...

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Relocating industries and businesses from urban industries to regional areas.