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I remember my father's existence in our house since I was born. Describe a person essay.


trivial28 1 / 4 2  
Mar 21, 2015   #1
*Please score this essay the way you think a SAT grader would. Remember, the scale is from 1-6, 6 being the best. As well, it'd be nice if you could add comments as to why you chose a certain grade. Thanks!*

I remember my father's existence in our house since I was born. Even though, his body was there, his mind was always flying far away to his job. Unfortunately, our between relationship was always an acrobatic one; we had few good moments and many upturns.

The fact is that my father used to be a very handsome, contemporary man in his 30s; medium-height about 1m75, with a slim figure. He had long wavy dark hair, framing his oval face. Furthermore, he had big almond-sized dark-brown eyes, a medium-sized nose and a big straight-lined mouth. But not anymore. Today, he is apparently an old man at his 60s; a little overweight with a flabby stomach and no hair on his head.

His appearance now, and then, hides a very strict and selfish personality when it comes to doing or getting what he wants. Despite of our family stoutness, he is really a stingy man that reminds me of Skroutz McDuck, sometimes. I remember him becoming too critical and judgmental as it concerned our grades on our report cards. Although, he has soft features surrounding his face, he hides a blunt, arrogant and many times rude person.

However, past is past. Looking back to my life with my father and thinking skeptically about his behavior, I assume that I could not ever love him honestly as a son loves his father. Though, I will try hard not to make his same mistakes to my own family.
AbIk 3 / 8  
Mar 21, 2015   #2
I remember him becoming too critical and judgemental
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Mar 22, 2015   #3
I would give you a "5"! I think you write well, but I think you should have balance a negative image of your father, with a positive one. You do add some soft thoughts, but they are largely outweighed by the critical ones. I'm sorry you feel, in conclusion that you couldn't love your father, but I'm glad you're going to try to be different, for your children.

Perhaps, if you take the conclusion, and add what you do at least like about your father, then you can go back and discuss this, in the body, of the essay. I think the word "existence" to describe your father's life in your childhood, is also too harsh, which was in your first sentence. I corrected some word choices, and added some punctuation.

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OP trivial28 1 / 4 2  
Mar 22, 2015   #4
Thank you very much for your corrections and notifications. These are making me better. Thank you so much.


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