A renewable energy - essay for study plan KGSP, department of energy engineering

I would like to applying Korean government scholarship, and I need to make study plan.
I never made one before, and this is my first essay. Please help me to correct the grammar and give your suggestion for my essay. Thank you very much.

hydrogen energy research

I am applying for this master's program in department of energy engineering at xxx university. I have learnt that xxx University has done many researches about developing solar cell and applying to many environmentally energy, such as produce solar hydrogen, electro analytic water treatment, and photo electrochemical cell. I have interesting in environmental preservation and developing a renewable energy to decrease exploitation of fossil fuel, so we can maintaining our environmental, including hydrogen production, carbon dioxide reduction, and the destruction of pollutants. I believe with this master's program can help me to pursue my dream to be a specialty in the field of energy and environmentally.

In this master's program, I have plan to conduct research about developing photochemical cell water splitting as converter energy from chemical energy to form of fuel. This idea comes along with my awareness about the effect in increasing of global warming. As we know hydrogen, the fuel with the highest energy capacity, has the potential to replace fossil fuels. There are so many factors that make photochemical water splitting can produce with high efficiency such as particle size of semiconductor, catalyst, and photosensitizer. This research will bring issue about which photo catalyst should be used to produce the higher activity.

My bachelor degree in Chemistry has prepared me with a strong grounding in analysis and chemical reaction. I have learned about Chemometry, Basic Chemistry I and II, Analytical Chemistry I and II, Physical Chemistry I, II, and III, Inorganic Synthesis, Chemical Spectroscopy, Chemical Thermodynamics, Environmental Chemistry, Advance Analytical Chemistry II, Electrochemistry, and Battery and Fuel Cell in my bachelor study. Then, I completed my bachelor degree with predicate very satisfactorily. I have prepare myself to perform well in my future study.

There are so many report about photochemical water splitting in which an attempt is made to create a photo catalyst with the highest activity. Based on literature, to create the best photo catalyst is to tune the band gap, to find the best band gap we need to know the properties of it. In this research, I will use ZnO modified as photo catalyst source. As we know, ZnO has widely band gap around 3.37 eV that can absorb in visible light. ZnO has three crystalline form, such as rock salt, cubical zinc blende, and hexagonal wurtzite. Each form has their own characterize. ZnO could split water into H2 and O2 stoichiometrically under visible light, after modification with another co - catalyst.

This research will be valuable in the future concerning about energy and environmentally. Hydrogen that generated from water and sunlight, a process on photochemical water splitting, can provide clean fuel with low cost and environmentally friendly conversion of solar cell. Furthermore, the combustion of hydrogen energy does not lead to the emission of carbon dioxide (CO2) which is especially notorious as a greenhouse gas causing the global heating on the earth.

Handayani, it is important that you present your study plan in the form of a thesis statement to the reviewer. This means that aside from stating the problem or goal of the project, you also need to discuss the method of your research, the required parameters for the research, your experimental process, and the expected outcome of your project. There is no need to explain how your background is related to the research, how the university is known for research, and how your college degree prepared you for the program. Those are all information that should have already been covered in the self introduction letter. This study plan, should focus solely on explaining the importance of your research, its future applications, and how you the university facilities can help you with the research. That is, aside from the earlier information about the thesis statement and research procedure. Paragraphs 2 and 5 will be excellent starting points for the revision of your essay. You can combine the two paragraphs to create your thesis statement and project goals / purpose.

My bachelor degree in Chemistry has prepared me ...

Hi Nana,
On the above, you could say;

My completed degree predicate, me highly satisfactory. And I believe I am well equipped to perform well in this program.
(This affirms squarely on the Scholarship you are applying for )

Many best of luck!

Handayani, your grammatical structure shows that you have a very strong scientific background. However, that is not to say that the sentence development is always correct. While there are some grammatical mistakes to be addressed, I did not feel the need to do so at the moment because I am asking you to do some pretty major revisions to your study plan. As such, the whole sentence structure and grammatical presentation of the essay is bound to change. It is only after we have finalized your content that I wish to address any problems with your grammar. After all, constantly correcting the grammar, when the discussion of the essay is not yet perfected will only result in a lot of wasted manpower. So it is best to leave the grammar correction for the final version of the essay.

hi holt i'm back with my new essay.
please give me your suggestion. thank you very much :)

Handayani, your methodology is very precise and descriptive. The way you have worded it makes me wonder if you have done this experiment before? If you have, will this research be an expansion of that previous research? If so, then you should mention that this will be a continuation of previous research based upon your college thesis. Explain the college thesis and how it progressed into this current research. There is no clear expected outcome for your study plan. You need to explain what your expected outcome is for this experiment before you explain what the significance of this research is. The study plan is gaining a clearer form now. There are still some research points that need to be represented though. Complete the expected outcome part and the essay will be finalized.

@Holt
yes, i have done some research about synthesis ZnO as semiconductor for Dye sensitized solar cell.
Now, I stuck on expected outcome. So, I just add a little bit in my essay (in bold word).
do you thing this expected outcome enough ? or I need to add more ? please advice.

I am applying for this master's program in department of energy engineering at Kyungpook National University. In this master's program, I have plan to conduct research about developing photochemical cell water splitting as converter energy from chemical energy to form of fuel. This idea comes along with my awareness about the effect in increasing of global warming. As we know hydrogen, the fuel with the highest energy capacity, has the potential to (...)

You actually have an expected outcome indicated in your final paragraph. I know, you did not expect that you would have actually come up with it because you had written that part before you revised the essay. Somehow, you got lucky because your revised statement fell directly into the path of the expected outcome. I am wondering though, the process that you described, was that all a part of the college paper? If it is, you should shorten that part and instead, explain the possible experiment that you will be conducting as a continuation of your college research. Remember, it is the potential research / methodology that you should be presenting, not the previous experiment. All the information should combine to create the possible outcome that you present in your last paragraph.

If you are combining your research with other research work, then you should mention the other research in the goal of study as the basis for your own research. Mention what you hope to achieve by combining that research with yours. What expected improvements do you hope to achieve? Is there something about the previous research, by someone else, that you hope to disprove with your own experiment? What do you think your experiment will prove in terms of the viability of this process as an alternative energy resources? Your goal of study should usually be based on an original hypothesis or a challenge to the previous and existing research. So this is an acceptable goal of study. You just need to clarify that you will be doing experiments based on 2 types of research and what you think the results of the combined research experiment might be. It is important to mention the other experiment and its author because the reviewer might look up your proposal and discover that you took someone else's work to use with your own. That would be considered plagiarism so you need to tell the reviewer upfront in order to avoid a plagiarism accusation.

@Holt
dear holt, i got it.
i'll revise again. sorry for bothering you again and again.
anyway thank you for all your sugesstion, it's help me to write :)
i will back with my revision :)

Excellent work Handayani! This is exactly the kind of goal of study research plan that the reviewer will be interested in reading. Most specially if he somehow shares the same background as you. I believe that you can use this version of the essay now. It has covered all of the required goal of study elements and accurately represents a continuation and updating of the discussion regarding the topic you have chosen. I have reviewed the content yet again for this round of consideration and I believe that you cannot do anything more to improve this essay. You have finally reached the final form that can be submitted with the post study plan. Time to move on now and end this thread. I am looking forward to your post study goals essay.

@Holt
dear holt. thank you very much.
i follow all your direction. it's not easy for me, but you help me so much.
thank you very much.