There is an upward trend of replacing
You are referring to this essay in terms of task 1 wording. This is not good to use in a task 2 essay. That is because this is considered a personal reference that does not related directly to the original prompt statement. This creates an inaccurate version of the original topic.
lots of mixed reviews
Aside from the fact that this is a non-academic phrase, you are also not responding directly to the reference question in the original promopt. So your opinion does not have any solid thesis reference for the discussion aspect. The summary of the discussion plus your opinion presentation lacks in clarity and strength.
I totally agree with the second opinion.
Summarize the 2 reasons why you disagree to create the discussion outline in relation to your opinion. That will make a solid opinion statement on your part.
However, Arts elimination has unconsciously labeled them as dreamy and stupid individuals.
This needs further explanation development. It is incomplete and does not clearly connect with your opinion. Explain why this labeling is bad for the student in a manner that supports your idea.
why don't we seek a way to combine them wisely to bring better future for the next generations.
2 problems with this presentation. First, you cannot use conjunctions (don't = do not) in academic writing. That is a GRA deduction. Second, there is no reference in your restatement that a solution statement is required in the discussion. Since you added this at the end of the summary conclusion, this will cause points deductions due to an incorrect reverse paraphrase. Do not include information that is not directly requested in the prompt requirement. If it was asked for, then it should have a stand alone defense paragraph in the body of paragraphs.