Please give me some suggestion and score for this writing
Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves, and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil, and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Exchanging the fossil fuels energy with natural energy resources in generating the electricity and transport in the city will need high cost and be complicated. It is debatable issue in society, yet for me, I agree with this statement since the alternative energy sources only generates limited power and it is difficult to lead many people using this energy.
To begin with, the natural power of wind, waves, and sun is eco-friendly energy. Its industry will not produce the poisonous fumes. As a result, the environment will be safe. In comparison to fossil fuel energy, it will not cause global warming, and this energy can be recycled. Another positive impact of using the natural power is all people can save the fossil fuel for the next generation. Consequently, citizens can enjoy the power without damaging the environment.
However, two points should be considered before utilizing the alternative energy are its price and the difficulty of using it. Turning to the price of energy, I firmly believe that many people expect keeping the environment, yet they do not find the cheaper one yet. Even though the natural energy is eco-friendly, yet it produces limited power only compared to fossil fuel energy and will cause the price of electricity and transport be much more expensive. Moreover, replacing the fossil fuel energy is extremely complicated because many people rely on it and it is not well-known for them. Changing people's mindset in using energy is difficult because the government should educate them first about it. As a result, society tends to choose the cheapest and familiar one nowadays.
To sum up, although the natural energy has many benefits, I agree that it difficult to replace the fossil fuel energy for the time being. The reason for this is if the alternative energy is used, many people will debate it and they must spent much money in its expenditure.
Tria, I would like to try to assess you based on IELTS writing task 2 public band descriptors.
- You were able to address all parts of the tasks, but unfortunately some parts were fully covered than others, especially in your body paragraph 2. Sadly, in both body 1 and body 2 paragraph were only presenting about the result as the last sentence of each. You need to know that conclusion should be appeared in each body paragraph. Therefore, by presenting positive feature of band 6 and negative feature of band 5. This part you are able to reach 5.5
For the other three parts of assessment, I reckon that mostly stay on that level, especially in grammatical errors and punctuation. Remember that those parts are also one of the four essential scoring criteria in IELTS. My suggestion is that you should compose a sentence which you are really sure 100% correct. In addition, in body paragraph, you can avoid using personal pronoun. This is because personal pronoun is very strong to be placed only in introduction and conclusion. For body paragraph, you can mention other people's view as long as it is not other personal pronouns such as we, our, or us.
There you are Tria, practice harder for the next essay :) good luck