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Toefl - Replacing old buildings is important for any city but it should not affect historic houses


hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 10, 2014   #1
Hi everyone, I need to help me to understand where this essay is well-organized or no?please give me your feedback about the mistakes
Thank you

Prompt
SHOULD A CITY TRY TO PRESERVE ITS OLD, HISTORIC BUILDINGS OR DESTROY THEM AND REPLACE THEM WITH MODERN BUILDINGS? USE SPECIFIC REASONS AND EXAMPLES TO SUPPORT YOUR OPINION.

It is important for any city to replace old buildings with new ones, but these revolutions should not include historic buildings. The historic buildings show the history of our ancestors. In addition, they can develop tourism industries by attracting tourists.

Historic buildings answer many questions, which are mysterious about our previous ancestors; thereby no one can determine the price of the historic buildings. They show the history of nations and previous generations who lived in the city. They show the lifestyle of people who lived in thousands of years ago. They show us how they survive, or how they defend themselves etc. By investigating about their structures, we can understand how much they knew about the architecture of building. In the other hand, historic buildings are important treasures, which provide an area to learn valuable lessons.

Another advantage of historic buildings is their capabilities to attract more tourists to the city. It is interesting for most people to know about the way people live in thousands years ago. Therefore, It is a valuable opportunities for any city having historic buildings to show them to new visitors. Historic building can develop other industries such as restaurants or other food industries and handicrafts shops and so on.

These are reasons that why we should preserve historic buildings in the city. They can benefit us financially by developing other industries. Moreover, they are the symbols of our nations, which can show the historical culture of our previous ancestors.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 10, 2014   #2
Hi Hamedmas :-) I was wondering if you have a word count limit on the paper? This is really short paragraph wise because you have so many individual sentences involved. Those sentences are under developed in my opinion and could use more discussion in order to create a better point of view for your paper.

- There is a word confusion in this statement. Revolution means to embark on a war. Evolution means to embark on change. I am sure you mean evolution :-)

- Since this is your introductory statement, you should have a more solid thesis presented. You can do this by mentioning a few reasons why historic buildings are sometimes being torn down in favor of new buildings. That way you can present your point of view at the end with an overview of what discussion the paper will contain.

- This is a good paragraph. But I would like to make a suggestion, revise the statement in order to reflect a belief that the historic building should not be replaced because it holds the key to understanding the history of the people, it's traditions, and culture. These are also important aspects of traditional life and beliefs among a people which go hand in hand with the architecture of the building Architects have been known to build structures that pay tribute to their culture, traditions, historic events, or even folklore. I believe that should also be discussed as an important aspect of preserving the buildings.

- It would be good to mention the historic buildings of Rome, Egypt, Spain, Germany, etc. as some of the examples of preserved historic buildings that draw in tourists and historians eager to understand the seeds of culture and history in a nation.

- I suggest adding a sentence about how the historic buildings help the new generation of citizens look towards a brighter future because of the inspiration that can be derived from the preservation of old buildings. Make suggestions about how these buildings can be preserved in its original look but still bring in income for the country by turning it into libraries, cafe's, hotels, etc. Samples of the new purpose for historic buildings can be found via Google search.

I hope my suggestions help you :-) Each of your sentences can still be developed in order to make this already good essay even better. I look forward to reading the next version :-)
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 11, 2014   #3
I hope my suggestions help you :-) Each of your sentences can still be developed in order to make this already good essay even better. I look forward to reading the next version :-)

Hello Dear vangiespen
I can say : thank you thank you thank you! your suggestions are well and I spent one hour to correct my essay by your suggestion. here is the new one as you can read.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Sep 11, 2014   #4
In the other hand,

on the other hand

In addition, they can develop tourism industries by attracting tourists.
Historic buildings answer many questions, which are mysterious about our previous ancestors; thereby no one can determine the price of the historic buildings. They show the history of nations and previous generations who lived in the city. They show the lifestyle of people who lived in thousands of years ago. They show us how they survive, or how they defend themselves etc.

it repeated for times. If you could, make them more variative.

An essay consists of introduction, body(ies) and conclusion. I saw you do write an intro and bodies but have not seen a conclusion.
Please make it to conclude all of your essay's expalanation.
Perhaps you can start with conclusion signals such as
In summary,...
To conclude, ...
In a nutshell, ...
In conclusion, ...
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 11, 2014   #5
Hi Hamedmas! I found some other parts that we can either edit or revise. I noted those below. I hope that these suggestions continue to help you develop your paper :-) Good luck! Don't hesitate to ask for more help if you feel you need it :-)

Historic buildings are valuable treasures from our ancestors. Although most old buildings in big cities are sometimes being torn down in order to replace new ones

- In order to build new ones...

because it isnecessary to modernize the view of any city, but historic buildings should not be included in these categories. Historical buildings have presented tradition, culture, and even folklore of ancient people. In addition, they would be attractive for tourism.

- because it is important to modernize the view... any city . Historic buildings...have presented the tradition... The historic buildings also serve as an economic booster for local tourism because it brings in tourists from all over who are interested in historical architecture.

Historic buildings answer many mysterious questions about our previous ancestors; thereby no one can determine the value of the historic buildings. It holds the key to understanding the culture and lifestyle of people who lived thousands of years ago. These buildings can also clarify their culture and belief amongpeople . By preserving the structure of buildings, we keep these valuable treasures for the future generations. By investigating about their structures, we can figure out the knowledge of ancient people about architecture. There are reasons why preserving the buildings are important.

- ancestors. That is why nobody can determine... culture and belief shared by a nation or people... we can learn more about the . These are some reasons why...

[s]Another advantage of historic buildings is their capabilities to attract more tourists to the city

- Historic buildings have been known to have the ability to attract tourists to a given city.

It is interesting for most people to know about the way people live in thousands years ago.

- It interests most people to know...

For example, thousands of people always visit many historical buildings of Rome and Egypt, Iran, etc.

- ... Iran, etc in order to create a historical connection in their minds between the past and present cultures that exist in these countries.

Therefore, It is a valuable opportunities for any city having historic buildings to show them to new visitors. Historic building can develop other industries such as restaurants or other food industries and handicrafts shops and so on. Attracting more tourists means more clients for these industries.

- That is why it is important to preserve these historic building for the future generations. Developing tourism around historical buildings also bring in new sources of employment and income to the tourist area.

These are reasons that why we should preserve historic buildings in the city. They can benefit us financially by developing other industries. Moreover, they are the symbols of our nations, which can show the historical culture of our previous ancestors .

- These are but a few reasons why... The provide an economic benefit through the tourism industry while also representing the symbols and culture of a nation.
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 11, 2014   #6
thank you for additional suggestion:)
Could you give me the direction about organization of statement like you? I think it takes times yes?
Is it a good idea that memorize some statement ? For example memorize this statement "The provide an economic benefit through the tourism industry while also representing the symbols and culture of a nation. " because I can use this structure in the other place? Are you a native?

Thank you for your suggestion before.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 11, 2014   #7
Hamedmas, I am not sure what you mean about organization statement. Do you want me to help you create a thesis statement that combines the economic and historical reasons for preserving the old buildings? Why do you need to memorize a statement? Do you meant you want to use a quote about historic architecture as a hook for your opening statement? That can also be done and used to further improve your paper.

"The provide an economic benefit through the tourism industry while also representing the symbols and culture of a nation. "

This is a statement that is generally known and used as the reason for preserving old historical buildings by tourism organizations and historical societies. So yes, you can use it to describe any nation and the quest to preserve their historical buildings. You can cite the Old Washington Post office that Donald Trump is preserving and yet turning into a hotel for tourists as a clear example of that statement.

Don't hesitate to ask if you have other questions :-)
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 11, 2014   #8
Hamedmas, I am not sure what you mean about organization statement.

Actually, I would like to write a formal essay like you. I do not know how can I improve my writing. when I mentioned your statement in the previous post, I would say, you write very well. Could you give me some advice to improve my writing skill. I will take the TOEFL exam in 53 days, but my writing is not well, I need to give an 24/30 from writing exam. So could give me some advice to write well?

thank you in advance:)
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 11, 2014   #9
Having taken the TOEFL in the past, I can understand your concerns. The key to passing the TOEFL lies in your grasp of the English language. How well you understand it and how well you can express yourself in English. That is why these essay practice tests are extremely important. You need to be able to understand the English prompts and have an idea or knowledge of American culture and tradition in order to properly understand the essay topics that will be assigned during the test. I can suggest that you utilize the internet for this purpose. Familiarize yourself with current events in the United States and its history as a country. The landmark events of the country may also become part of the TOEFL test. Note some important key figures in both their historical and modern history.

Most of all, I would like you to practice writing your own thoughts in English. While the practice essays are important, you need to be able to properly express your point of view. So you can practice that by reading American newspapers and other materials online and then writing your own opinion paper (for or against) regarding what you just read. That will not only add to your knowledge base, but also help you gain confidence in expressing your thoughts and perspectives on modern issues. You can even do your own comparison paper essays based on things you read. Don't just rely on the essay practice tests.

The only way you will gain confidence in your English writing skills is through constant practice. Fluency in any language, written or spoken, is not gained overnight. You get to that point by practicing and over time. With the length of time that you have to practice before the TOEFL, we can help you gain the confidence and partial fluency in essay writing :-) Just keep practicing. There is no right or wrong way to write an essay. But there could be a problem in the way you express yourself. That is what we will try to help you fix and/or polish :-)


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