97. Essay topics: The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
My Essay
GRE AWA 2nd Ague practice
The speaker who is the director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville suggests a new idea in the given letter. He suggests that the theatre should hold a new event named 'Shakespeare in the Park" upcoming summer with evidence. At a glance, it seems plausible and reasonable; however, closer scrutiny reveals that it rests in unsubstantiated assumptions that could be questioned in one of another way.
Firs and foremost, the speaker's suggestion lacks reliable data in the past of the theatre. He argued that the theater's profit and the audiences declining, yet he failed to show the correct number of data. He only insisted that there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at the theater. But it could be possible that the number of recent visiting audience is increasing in the recent three years. If the number of recent guests increased, we could say the advertisement of the theater has been successful. In this regard, the director of the theater should suggest more precise and determined data of the audience of the theater. And if it is possible, to show pieces of data from other theater will be helpful since we could compare these data.
Besides, even if his idea about the declining number of the theater is true, we cannot get rid of the doubt about the solution of the problematic situation. In the given article, the director suggests that the theater should open a new event in the upcoming summer with the record from the nearby Avon Repertory Company's new promotion event named ' Free Plays in the Park'. Of course, this idea is interesting but it made a wrong analogy error. First of all, two company have different business models, the theater doing a show business yet the speaker does not give sufficient information about the referenced company. According to their different industry models, the workers of these group ought to have a different approaching method. Moreover, we cannot guarantee that similar events will work well in different regions. Every region has each ethnic cultures, so adapting an event from the other region without any doubt could be a dangerous attempt. Hence, the speaker is needed to suggest more details about the event he referenced.
Lastly, even though the event could be adaptable in Bardville, more researches are needed to be done to make proper profits. In the article, the speaker suggested that the referenced company made a 10 percent increase in their profit. It seems a great benefit to the company, but it lacks evidence about more clear data about income and expense. The sum of the profit made by income and expense. The total profit could be enhanced by the total income, yet if the company spent more budget on an event and promotion, it could be a loss for the company. Hence, we need more detailed economic information to make a proper decision.
In sum, the speaker's ideas seem proper at a glance, yet closer scrutiny shows the needs for more detailed information and closer research. If the speaker could show more reliable data and evidence, we could accept his ideas with grateful minds. However, before scrutinizing the required evidence from this article, we should take a more careful approach to the director's suggestion.@jaypark00
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.
First and foremost, I find that your general use of structure and punctuation is quite decent. There are no obvious mistakes that are to be found. While you still needed to be more cautious with packing your sentences with heftiness, there were only small instances wherein you were unable to have a smooth flow of writing. I heavily recommend that you cut down on excessive sentence lengths as these do not positively contribute to the overall content.
Moreover, try to be more specific when you are explaining. Taking a look at your conclusion, you still needed to have a more step-by-step flow when you're trying to encapsulate your thoughts. You were successful in this area in the body paragraphs - however, you did lose track of doing so in the last portions of the text.
