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Report Help - Reflection on choice of education.


specwarop 1 / -  
Mar 14, 2010   #1
For one of my university units I am required to write a report on why I have chosen my mode of study and how I came to this decision. Attached is a small snippet of the essay, which I need some help on.

The problem I have encountered in the past, is that I feel like my sentences and paragraphs don't flow and that it is generally a poor piece of writing in the end. One of my friends has even remarked that it feels like a face-to-face conversation, rather than a scientific essay or report. I wish it just flowed as I typed it!

Can you guys help steer me in right direction, because no doubt I will be writing a lot more in the future.

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The initial question was one I asked myself. It was probably the most fundamental question - what did I want to do for a career. I found myself in a predicament where I had made the poor decision to begin a science Bachelor in Physics. I certainly enjoyed what I learnt but it was not 'perfect', so the question I asked myself after two years into the degree was whether I could apply physics in the workforce to something I would enjoy more, or alter the degree to incorporate something better. The latter was what I decided, transforming into a Bachelor in Medical Engineering, which is partially based on physics, but applying it technically to the medical field.

From there I then went about asking questions to family and friends who may be working or studying engineering also. The typical question that I asked concerned the pay and conditions involved in the engineering profession, to which they answered positively saying that starting wage for a graduate engineer was quite generous. In addition, it was mentioned that general career prospects were significant as an engineer, most likely leading to much greater salaries in the short or long term. A derivative of pay and conditions is general lifestyle enjoyed by engineers. It is without a doubt that engineers take part in some exciting projects within the workplace due to the technical aspect of the line of work. With experience growing as an engineer, so does responsibility and typical independence on running projects, even going as far in some cases as being the manager of a project.

Another question that I did not ask, but did research on, was how I could make a difference as a medical engineer on the community, or the world as a whole. It was to no surprise that engineers make massive difference throughout the globe. Everything that most of us take for granted originally went through an engineer as part of the design process, and one thing that we can all benefit more from is a greater level of health care and quality of life, which builds on a passion of mine.

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Regards,
Matt

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Mar 15, 2010   #2
paragraphs don't flow and that it is generally a poor piece of writing in the end. One of my friends has even remarked that it feels like a face-to-face conversation, rather than a scientific essay or report. I wish it just flowed as I typed it!
Can you guys help steer me in right direction, because no doubt I will be writing a lot more in the future.

I think the answer is to take it one sentence at a time. You know what it is to write or speak a beautifully constructed sentence, don't you? Some sense the drumming rhythm, and they align with it, feeling meditative moments while the syllables massage the mind.

Here is a beautifully constructed sentence:
I certainly enjoyed what I learnt, but it was not 'perfect', so the question I asked myself after two years in the program was this: Can I apply physics in the workforce to something I would enjoy more, or alter the degree to incorporate something better.---- I added a colon and made a small change. This makes it even better. Can you enjoy the rhythm of this sentence?

Really, your writing is already great. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You do have awkwardness in these sentences that refer to questions, though:

Another question that I did not ask, but did research on, was a question of how I could make a difference as a medical engineer on the community, or the world as a whole.--- this time, instead of using a colon I fixed it with "a question of" how could I ...

This sort of thing could be the reason your friend said you write like you speak. When you speak, you might say, "Another question that I did not ask, but did research on, was, "How I could make a difference as a medical engineer on the community, or the world as a whole."--- and even this is okay, if you write it in quotation marks.

:-)


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