Report for a university lecturer describing the information on Japanese tourist traveling abroad

Japanese tourist market report

Original Prompt:
You should spend 20 minutes on this task

The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourist traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words

My Respond:

The bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese overseas traveler, measured in millions, and the line graph measures Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Both are during 1985 to 1995. Overall, Japanese overseas traveler rate increased over the period, interestingly it can also be seen that Australia's share of Japanese tourist market experienced the same trend.

To begin, in 1985 the number of Japanese traveler stood at 5 million travelers, and then increased significantly to 11 million travelers in1990. However, there was a small decrease to 10 million travelers in 1991, but then it gradually rose with the rate reaching a peak of 15 million travelers in 1995.

Quite similar to Japanese overseas traveler trend, Australia's share of Japanese tourist market also showed a gradual increase from 2 percent in 1985 to 5 percent in 1988. Despite having a small decrease to 4 percent share in 1989, there was a rapid rise with the rate reaching a peak of 6.5 percent share in 1993. However, unlike Japanese overseas traveler rate, Australia's share of Japanese's tourist market fall slightly to 6 percent in 1995.

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Edho, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. It is true that you've written three sentences in your introduction paragraph but one inaccurate/fragmented sentence "Both are during..." (unclear subject) was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information in a single sentence, but the other two sentences have more complex structures. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

- The bar chart illustrates... (1st sentence)
- For both charts, the values are measured... (2nd sentence)
- Overall, Japanese... (3rd sentence)

The first body of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the first body in the following manner:

- To begin with, in 1985 the number... (1st sentence)
- However, there was a small... (2nd sentence)
- It gradually rose... (3rd sentence)

Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

In addition, try to use some other variations in describing the data. Using "percent" or "million" in a whole paragraph will not improve your score in lexical resource part. Try to use fractions (for percentage) or use only "the majority / minority" without mentioning the exact data in each sentence.

It is always my pleasure to read your feedback.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of some hurdles the people, ranged over 18 to 55 years old, experienced when they live abroad. Overall, it can be seen that the people mostly struggle to form friendship, to find accommodation and to learn a local language.

To begin with, the greatest problem for people age 18 to 34 is forming friendship. A problem is experienced by 45% people of this age group. This is the greatest number compared to only 35% of people aged 35 to 54 and 22% of people over 55 who find it difficult to form friendship.

Surprisingly, the people over 55 have the highest problem in learning the local language. 55% of people of this oldest group experience this problem, while in comparison to the youngest age group, only 28% of people aged 18 to 34 find it as a problem which is much fewer than the oldest group.

Finally, unlike the younger groups, people over 55 get it much easier to find accommodation. There are only 22% people of this group experience this problem. However, 39% to 40% people of younger groups take it as a big deal.

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