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IELTS writing task 2: This is an essay about reports of media - almost all bad news and emergencies

nthatrang16 1 / 1  
Dec 3, 2018   #1
Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

media should focus on positive development more

It is said that these days, the media tend to concentrate much on issues and emergencies instead of interesting in great development, which could be harmful to each person as well as society. In my perspective, I believe that this situation could have both negative and positive consequences.

On the one hand, there are certain merits of posting matters and emergencies on the media. In fact, the more problems aired on the television or the internet, the more people know about current serious issues and try to improve those ones. For instance, by showing largely huge problems of climate changes in the mass media, most people in the world minimized using motor vehicles and started to travel by bicycle. Additionally, reporting many nasty accidents is an efficient way to raise people's awareness about their safety when they go outside. In fact, if people have seen a car crash lately, they would have been completely careful when they drive in order to not have similar accident.

On the other hand, this trend could be considered detrimental consequences for several reasons. Firstly, compared to report about positive changes providing useful information could help people expand their horizon, the focus of bad news and difficulties might affect badly people's mind. For example, many residents who have been living in my hometown started to make demonstrations or riots against the government after they watched a news program talking about the disadvantages of a recently built company. Secondly, if children watch several bad news or crimes on the television, they may grow up with a tendency to violence. For example, a kid regularly hearing the news or reading article about terrorism or violent crimes, they would tend to intimidate and bully other ones when they are not educated well.

In conclusion, although reports about bad news and emergencies have several negative consequences, I still believe that this trend would be beneficial in certain extent.

(319 words)
HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Dec 4, 2018   #2
Hi @nthatrang16, I have some opinion about your essay. I hope it helps.

1/ You have some grammar issues such as:
- "a similar accident" = > We need an article to modify for the noun "accident". There are few more words like this needs to be considered as well.

- " those ones" = > we don't need ones in this case I think, it is a tautology.
- "a kid is/was regularly hearing...." => It is missing a verb in this sentence.
and so on.

2/ I feel like you are discussing two topics in one essay, you talked about positive and negative; causes and results, but I think the question is just a single opinion. The prompt requires you to answer if you agree with the statement and your answer is "negative and positive" consequences. Do we have something like "positive consequences"? I'm not sure, and I'm confused. Besides, you inserted a lot of information in your text but don't discuss in details.
forielts 4 / 8  
Dec 4, 2018   #3

There are frequently grammar errors occurred in your essay, e.g. ' a news' ' travel by bicycle' ' the media tend to'... please pay attention to your grammar.

Another mistake you made was that you did not point out a clear thesis statement in your each body paragraph. After you indicated people that this paragraph would be talking about merits/detrimental consequences, you need to be clear that what are those merits/detrimental impacts.

Also, as it is said above, you did not discuss your text in details. If you are going to say 'reporting many nasty accidents is ...', ask yourself why this action can rise people' awareness-- because people will be intimidated by the serious consequence showed on TV...'
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Dec 4, 2018   #4
Nguyen, you have written too many words for this type of timed essay. You wrote over 300 words when, during an actual test, the most you will be able to write is 300, and that is you do not edit your paper before submission. The ideal number of words to write is 275. Please make sure to practice writing the essay using a timer next time. That way you will get an idea of how fast or how slow you actually write. This will help you adjust your writing style to meet the time allocation requirements.

Now, I will be direct to the point here and tell you that you will get a score of 1 for this essay because you did not use the provided prompt requirement. You wrote your own discussion topic. Compare the two:

Prompt Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: I believe that this situation could have both negative and positive consequences.

It is obvious at this point that you do not understand the discussion instructions beyond what you think it means. What you think you are instructed to you and what you are actually instructed to do are two different things. Since you have shown that you do not understand English instructions, there is no reason for the examiner to give you a passing test score. You will be unable to learn in an English school setting since you cannot even follow simple English discussion instructions.

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