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Ielts writing Task1-Require to summarizes the information of the chart & make comparison relevant


ck112 1 / -  
Dec 22, 2021   #1

research students of different subjects



The bar chart illustrated research students on both gender who studying six science-related subjects in UK university in 2009, they are Physics, Astronomy, Geology, Biologoy, Medicine and Veterinary medicine.

Overall, the first thing we should be able to spot is that the science-related subjects are dominated by male students. The trend on subject toke by male and female students differ.

The figures shown male students are obviously more than female students in most of the subjects. The gap is huge especially on Physics, only less than 50 female students while male students are more than 200. In contrast, the gaps are narrowed in both Biology and Medicine, there nearly an equal number between male and female student, moreover, these two subjects are most welcomed by both gender with the highest number of student studying. Veterinary medicine with the least number of students studying, but it is interested that is the only subject that majority are occupied by female students.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Dec 22, 2021   #2
The summary is too compressed in terms of presentation.It requires more sentence presentations for the individual information parts. Additionally, the specific genders need to be identified as indicated in the image. That is because the expanded gender considerations of the 21st century makes it difficult to decide what the default genders are for the report. Do not wait till the trending paragraph to clarify that data. It should be clear from the very start. The summary should be divided into 3 sentence presentations since there are 3 ideas presented in the run-on sentence.

toke

This is not an English word. It is not in the dictionary. Did you mean "taken" instead? Be careful when spelling and using words. You do not want LR deductions to be applied as this will result in a lower or, depending on the number of errors, a failing score for that section.

The last paragraph needs to be seperated into 2 presentations. The seperation of paragraphs is based on the number of subjects indicated. The comparison paragraphs need to be grouped by 3, as in 3 subjects per comparison discussion.
aanh1009 4 / 8 1  
Dec 26, 2021   #3
The third paragraph should be subdivided into two.
In the first one, I suggest that you describe the figures of the first five subjects, since they all appear to have a same trend, which is male students outnumbering female ones. More noticeably, through the surveys taken for Physics, Astronomy, Geology, Biologoy, Medicine; the gap was gradually mitigated in the exact order in which those subjects were aforementioned.

In the second one, you will describe the statistics of Veterinary Medicine. In this subject, in contrast to the five other subjects, females were dominant in number in comparison with males.

This is just a summary from me about what I think you need to do, you will still have to add the number to prove what you say, good luck.


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