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Requirement: The line graph compares China and USA birth rates from 1920 to 2000

nobeday 1 / -  
Feb 5, 2018   #1
Hi everyone, please help comment on my writings. Thank you very much!!
Requirement: The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000.

the birth rate of America and China - the graph

My writing: "The figure given illustrates the fluctuation in Chinese and American birth rates during the period of 80 years.

Overall, both countries saw a similar trend of reduction in their fertility from 1920 to 2000. Nevertheless, the birth rate of China was lower than that of the USA for most of the time.

In the 1920 to 1935 period, the birth rate of America varied constantly at around 12 percent before dropping sharply to just under 5 percent in 1945. However, this low rate did not remain for long, as the USA saw a considerable rise in their birth rate to a peak of 15 percent in 1950. Throughout the remaining period, this rate fell steadily to about 7 percent in 2000.

Over the first 10 years, Chinese birth rate fluctuated but was slightly lower than the American rate before overtaking the latter in 1935, after which there was a slump by 10 percent in 1940. The next 5 years saw no changes in Chinese birth rate; nevertheless, from 1945 to 1950, the rate climbed to its highest point of the 80-year period to exactly 20 percent. By contrast, 50 years later, the birth rate of China went down rapidly to only 2 percent by 2000."

HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Feb 5, 2018   #2
Hello nobeday,
According to the requirement, I think it is better to make some comparison between China and Us in a specific period so that you can indicate clearly the change among these two countries. Here are some opinions:

+ From 1920 - 1930: the rates is almost the same between two countries.
+ From 1930 - 1955: How is the fluctuation of the rates and compares the highest, the lowest, what is the biggest change
+ From 1955 - 2000: the deduction is almost the same.
I think when writing a comparison between two or more objects, we should use the time points and period instead of analyzing each country itself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,849 4178  
Feb 7, 2018   #3
Kos, your summary overview is not complete as it does not indicate the following information:

1. Discussion topic
2. Measurement indicator
3. Discussion instructions
4. Trending statement

I know that most tutors ask you to separate all of these information into stand alone sentences. That is not the correct approach as the C&C considerations require every paragraph to be 3-5 sentences long and fully developed in its presentation. That is why the summary overview is very important. You have to remember that the assumption of the Task 1 essay is that you will be able to accurately report on a research paper that has been presented to you for analysis. Assume that the reader will not have access to the illustration you were provided. Therefore, your explanation must be accurate, to the letter, and highly informative.

While there is no right or wrong method of presenting the information, you do need to make sure that you consider the finer details of the presentation that may impress the examiner. For example, in the graph, China had a flat growth rate from 1940 - 1945. That is information that should have been presented in the report but you overlooked in your presentation. Neither did you consider the growth points that overlapped for the two countries in your presentation.

When the instruction asks you to report on main features and make comparisons where relevant, you have to make sure that you do not just look at the obvious information. Look for the uncommon comparison points as well. These are normally the overlapping points, flat indicators, and other smaller details that will not be seen unless an analysis of the graph is actually done. Try to leave yourself with at least 5 minutes to review the elements you are presenting. That way you can include more information in your presentation. After all, you can present up to 5 sentences per paragraph and you are only presenting 3 sentences per paragraph at the moment. There is room for a more accurate representation of the analytical information.

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