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Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays

tryhardboy 1 / 1  
Jul 13, 2018   #1
Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Online work activities

This is my essay
In recent decades, among the development of technology, there has been a growing trend of calling a meeting, discussing or even training online by some companies. Although the trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides can justify these.

There are a number of reasons why working online can have broad-based benefits for the company. First, calling a meeting or discussing online enables people to save more time and to work with more comfort. For example, a meeting can be delayed due to the terrible traffic jam which makes people going to the workplace late, especially the meeting is called overseas. Second, training online not only help individuals to save time but also to save money. It should be noted that some large companies organize a training in an area which trainers have to spend a budget on either living or ticket airlines, especially the international corporation.

On the other hand, working online does pose certain disadvantages. It should be acknowledged that the quality of the internet connection has an imperative role in the online discussion. Therefore, it can be implied that if the internet connection is interrupted, the discussion can be delayed or even the secretary have to rearrange this discussion. In addition, since discussion happening online, there would be some misunderstandings between people due to the indirect meeting which means there would be no face-to-face encounter. In fact, studies have shown that when a problem occurs, people tend to notice either the gesture or the motion of the opponent in order to get their thinking and therefore, the problem can be solved easily.

In conclusion, since the disadvantages can be managed, calling a meet or training online are too overwhelming compared to they are otherwise. This benefits not only the companies but also the efficiency of the employees

I'm practicing writing and this is my third essay. I have an IELTS test in two month, so it would be very helpful for me if you can spend a little time on looking for mistakes in my essay. Thank you very much
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Jul 14, 2018   #2
Trung, since this is your first posting here, I will assume that this is the first essay that you have ever tried to write for a Task 2 test. It will help to explain the series of errors in your presentation, the confusing discussion in some aspects, and the way that you have not properly constructed the sentences in most instances.

A general rule for the essay writing test is that you must avoid writing run-on sentences. What is a run-on sentence? It is a sentence that is composed of several ideas, separated by a comma rather than a period. The run-on sentence is a sentence that, due to the lack of a proper sentence topic / subject, becomes confusing to understand as the sentence does not make a definite point or have a clear discussion supporting it. For example, the opening paraphrase of this essay is a run-on sentence. While it covers most of the information from the original paraphrase, it is difficult for the reader to remember. That is because it does not accurately represent a prompt restatement. A clearer sample of a prompt restatement and discussion for this topic follows:

There has been a shift from meetings, consultations, and skill enhancements being done in a face to face manner to technology based counterparts. This development can be seen as a positive trend. However, it does have disadvantages as well. This essay will discuss whether the advantages of this professional development is more advantageous rather than disadvantageous.

One reason that this method is considered advantageous is that...

However, this method also has drawbacks. One drawback is that...

In the end technology has provided...

To conclude...

Clarity is of the utmost importance in your sentence discussions. When you present confusing sentences such as;

since the disadvantages can be managed, calling a meet or training online are too overwhelming compared to they are otherwise.

- What do you mean by "compared to they are otherwise"? It doesn't make sense. Information is missing in this instance.

Also, you neglected to consider that if a meeting is overseas, a traffic jam will not matter. A traffic jam only matters when reporting to work within the same country. Also, all business meetings are done via video conferencing for international business meetings these days. Therefore, the meetings are done face to face and misunderstandings are easily avoided.

Being a comparison essay discussion, you were on the right track with your discussion presentation when the prompt discussion instruction is considered. Let's begin your improvement by noting your mistakes in this essay and having you avoid those in your next practice essay. As you progress, your errors will be corrected and your writing will improve in the process.
jalp 13 / 34 7  
Jul 14, 2018   #3

You have some really great points and good grammar. However, in this kind of prompt, I believe that you should pick a side. If training online has more advantages than disadvatages then your body paragraphs should have discussed certain advantages and examples.
OP tryhardboy 1 / 1  
Jul 14, 2018   #4
I really appreciate your help

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