Hello,
Your suggestion will be highly valued.
Neeta
Topic- "People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your own knowledge or experience. Words-least 250
In the fast moving world, there are few people, who continue to believe a small change can either damage their reputation or traditional culture. Furthermore, they encourage people to practice same method and forget problems it can cause to individuals and society.
Those people, who develop resistance to change often suffer from monotonous and lack of enthusiasm because they are trapped in their work and lifestyle that advocated to worship repetitiveness and so, their health deteriorates and as a result their quality of life may be no better than before. A good idea would be to encourage them to take some time off for new activities of their interest such as sports, reading, traveling. By doing this people would feel energetic and improved concentration will eventually make them efficient and productive.
Moreover, these people are highly dependent on others as they lack adequate skills to complete a task. This happens due to fear and hesitant of accepting advanced technology. Consequently, their self-esteem is high suffered, which is reflected in their social behaviour. For instance, these people may withdrawn themselves from society considering others as crowd or may lack to built up conversation because of limited knowledge. The obvious answer is to help these people to be more self aware. This can be done either by communicating with people from distant land or traveling. Other possibility could be promoting benefits of advanced technology and guideline on usage. Additionally, support people with good library resources that has access to relevant articles, journals and books. Thus, this will lead them to be more knowledgeable and confident.
Last but not least, if people avoid changes, then the entertainment, hospitality and tourism industries may witness a downward trend as these industries largely depend on leisure time of people besides, unemployment will grow sharply, resulting slow down in the local economy. To avoid such situations, first of all, government must fortify public to take vacation and secondly, accept new ideas and fundamentals from the locals. This way, economy will bloom and country will have a good leader with a sharp realistic vision.
To put in nutshell, monotonous, unenthusiasm, lack of social awareness and a slow economy are some of the problems related to individuals or masses, which should be handled with a lot care. Therefore, government along with individuals should understand the goodness a change brings with itself to help transforms their lives.
hey!! its too gud
go on doing ur best
hope u helped someone bt it is awesome
In the fast moving world, there are few people who continue to believe a small change can either damage their reputation or traditional culture. Furthermore, they encourage people to practice the same methods without adapting to new circumstances, and they forget problems it can cause to individuals and society. ----I added some words to make this clearer. But I really was concerned, because you wrote about culture, and the question does not ask about culture. I think you should use the same words they use so they will know you are answering the question directly. (i.e. Use these words: "make changes in their lives")
Those people who develop resistance to change often suffer from monotony and lack of enthusiasm, because they are trapped in their work and lifestyle that require repetitiveness. As a result, their health deteriorates and their quality of life may be no better than before. ---I made a lot of changes to this part, too.
I noticed that sometimes you use a comma in a place where it is not necessary. Look at Strunk and White to find out the best way to use commas.
Let's use plural forms here:
This way, economies will bloom and countries will have good leaders with sharp, realistic vision.---I like this sentence!
In a nutshell, monotony, lack of enthusiasm, lack of social awareness, and a slow economy are some of the problems related to individuals or masses, which should be handled with a lot care that can occur if people avoid making changes in their lives. Therefore, government ...
:-)
Hey Kevin,
Good to hear from you after a long time. Hope all's fine with you. :D
IETLS guideline says, not to copy same words from the essay topic and to use synonym words. But you are right. "Culture" is inappropriate word as nothing is mentioned is the main body
Can you comment what band I'm likely to score if my writing pattern is similar to this one.
And thanks for providing relevant feedback.
Neeta
I wish I could tell you how you'd score, but I just don't know what criteria they use when scoring...
IETLS guideline says, not to copy same words from the essay topic and to use synonym words.
Oh... Neeta, you are awesome. Usually I am giving people advice, but today you gave me the good advice. I am so happy you told me about this guideline.
When I write, or when I speak to someone, I use the same words they use as my method of connecting with them at a deep level. For example, someone who is struggling to learn English gave me vitamins to try and she explained it as "Braineffect, premium nutrients for the brain" (i.e. she was saying it is a multivitamin supplement that supports brain function with nutritional therapy instead of dangerous or unnatural ingredients), and I noticed that she had used the word "premium." I reassured her that I liked it, and I used the same word when i responded to show that I understood her and that I was paying attention. "Premium nutrition is important to me, and I know it's possible to enhance cognitive function with natural dietary supplements, so I..." and so on. I used the word premium as an IMPACT word. That's just an example.Whenever word is used by your partner in conversation is a strong word to use when trying to achieve good communication.
But in this case, you taught me something very important! If they ask essayists specifically not to repeat words from the prompt! So... thank you!
@Kevin- You've no idea, how happy I'm because after a long time somebody called me "awesome". :D
Btw, I wrote IELTS paper this month and I cleared it in one attempt. Scored overall 7 band. Honestly, I've no clue how did I manage to score as my exam went horrible. But all I can say, this forum helped me alot in little time. It won't be possible without the guidance of Aria, Real fog, you and a few more people, whose name probably I'm missing out.
Hello Neeta,
Your essay is well-organized and the message is easy to follow with clear paragraphing. Nevertheless, I think you should place your solution of second and third paragraph in separated paragraph or at the end of your essay because the topic asks for two questions: what are the consequences of this problem and what solution you can suggest. Therefore, it would be better if you put the cause of this problem first and then place solution in another paragraph.
Btw, your wide range of vocabulary is used accurately and suitably. Similarly, you also utilized a sophisticated grammatical structure. For this reason, this essay might be scored band 7.0 to 7.5
@Nhung- thanks buddy for providing with relevant feedback. Well, I sat for IELTS paper somewhere early this month and glad to inform that I've attained required band :-)
Honestly, I've no clue how did I manage to score as my exam went horrible.
It's probably because you have such high standards for yourself. Keep it up until you reach the GOAL!
:-)
