Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Responsibility for helping poorer nations should also cover education of their society


faarasyad 7 / 15 7  
May 24, 2015   #1
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Over the last few decades, nearly all countries in the earth are separated from two different types, rich and poor. Poorer nations have short of education, malnutrition and weak commerce, whereas developed countries don't have. Some individuals, however, believe that poor countries should be supported by rich countries due to humanity. Personally, I agree with this opinion in order to wane of crisis rates and develop those countries even though this, sometimes, renders a big negative effect.

To begin with, wealthy countries have obligation to aid less fortune countries, it is not about morality but how to build togetherness in this world in which everyone has the same position as the others. Subsequently, richer nations should not only assist good that are finished easily but they should also educate them how to maintain their own problems. As such, both inexperienced and corrupt administrations, the main cause of poor countries, will disappear and the donations may be able to be received by society. In turn, developed country's hands are really needed to less fortune countries.

On the other hand, support from developed countries can be negative influence in weak countries due this encourages the poor ones addictive. So, when the assistances are stopped, they will go down once again. For a pragmatic instance, in 1969, Indonesia received a help from Economic Hit Men (EHM), organization in richer nations. Over a 15-year period, EHM dismissed the aids to Indonesia followed by becoming less fortune countries for the second time. This show the helps are not useful anymore. As a consequence, support from developed countries is not permanent in poorer nations.

To sum up, even though aids from richer nations play an indispensable role in assisting poor countries. Sometimes, this cause addicted for countries that are assisted. In my perspective, I assume that poorer nations should be helped continuously for dealing with their problems, but it should consist of educating the society with regards to keeping their countries.

Trias 23 / 41 14  
May 25, 2015   #2
Hi @faarasyad, here's my feedback:

It will be better to put your main idea in the first sentence of it so your reader can grasp the point shortly. Here's my suggestion on your opening sentence in second paragraph:

To begin with, wealthy countries do have a social obligation as a good world citizen to help fellow countries who are in need. In fact, should not only give aid to the poort countries but also educate them to be more developed.

On the other hand, supportall means of supports from developed countries can beyield negative influence into weak countries due this encouragesas it may stimulate the poor ones addictivecountries' dependency .

Good luck!
aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
May 25, 2015   #3
Hallo Farrasyad,
Allow me to give some suggestion for you.
Overall, your essay is quite good.
However, I have a little suggestion for you.

To begin with, wealthy countries have obligation to aid less fortune countries, it is not about morality but how to build togetherness in this world in which everyone has the same position as the others. Subsequently, richer nations should not only assist good that are finished easily but they should also educate them how to maintain their own problems. As such, both inexperienced and corrupt administrations, the main cause of poor countries, will disappear and the donations may be able to be received by society. In turn, developed country's hands are really needed to less fortune countries.

In this paragraph, you mentioned multiple ideas. It is good actually, but you can put at least one example in the idea. It will be better you incorporate the scientific fact.

This statement seems like a theory or just an explanation.

Good luck for your essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / Responsibility for helping poorer nations should also cover education of their society