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Ielts task 2 essay: the responsibility of rich countries for helping the poorer nations


tkb1311173 1 / -  
Jan 24, 2016   #1
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today's increasingly global vocation, every nations around the world do not only try hard in developing their countries, but also simultaneously support, invest to each other. Rich countries hold a certain responsibility in leveling up facilities 's others. The basis for these opinions are personal and social

Personally, the citizen in each countries could get multiple beneficial value from abroad nations. In order words, there is truly a movement toward greater justice of human rights. For example, the poor regions resident could be given jobs, facilities or even money, leading to better life. Furthermore, people in developed countries enhanced much broad productions were satisfied their needs.

Socially, when developed countries decide to help other countries surely, they may be out of control. This means that they are bound to be many risk, for instance, our-sourcing, what's more, inflicted damage on finance resulting in debt. Additionally, corruption remaining obviously is like a well-know thing. However, if they manage their resources professionally, they might get much more advantages from their investing. Indeed, there is a tremendous increase in their standard of living, leads to improvements or innovations.

In conclusion, supportive responsibility does not forced upon rich countries, but that ought to be performed in current context. It seems that rich people should help poor people, which is a dimession to tend to more justice.

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Jan 24, 2016   #2
Long, keep in mind that in the format of an academic essay, the opening paragraph must always include your personal opinion when required by the prompt. That is not an opinion that should be placed at the end of the first paragraph. The furthest it can be located is at the end of the first paragraph, prior to your transition sentence into the second paragraph.

You also need to take ownership of your opinion in the essay. That is , if you are not discussing the opinions of other people prior to your own opinion. As for your conclusion, The first few lines were in line with the proper conclusion of the prompt. Then you wrote this confusing line :

It seems that rich people should help poor people, which is a dimession to tend to more justice.

I am not sure what you mean by dimession, and how that can lead to more justice. I think you did not develop that line of reasoning properly. Please clarify it and revise the sentence or paragraph accordingly. Keep in mind that when your essay does not make sense at any point, you can lose some major points in the final grading.


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