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Who is Responsible Of Children Unhealthy Lifestyle? How to tackle this problem?

Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
Question :many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

On the present day, only a few children who are playing outside. Most of them prefer to stay at home and play video games or watch television. They also like to eat highly-engineered junk food. If this continue to happen, they will suffer from many diseases in the future. To solve this problem, I believe that both parents and schools have have an attempt to conquer this situation.

Parent have the biggest obligation to their kids which means everything that children do, the parent should support it especially if it is a positive activity. Started from 3 years old, it is better to guardians to take their kids to get involved in sport. By this way, the children will use to it and can make it as a good habit. Also, parent should avoid to bring their kids to consume hyperpalatable food.

When a child is started to grown up, they will spend most of their time in school. Therefore, school have to control the student's lifestyle. To help reduce the risk of unhealthy way of life, school can make a rule for student to exercise everyday at least 30 minutes to an hour. School also need to supervise the student lunch by providing healthy food in the canteen.

Another element who has responsibility to resolve the problem is government. They have to take this problem seriously. If the young generation has bad lifestyle, it will also influence the future of the country. By making regulation like prohibition to provide junk-food in school can help to decrease the risk. In fact, right now many trader who sell unhealthy food which contains of danger substance.

In conclusion, all of the people need to co-operate to condense the danger of unhealthy way of life which many children have. Not only parent but also school and government must take an action.
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hello Faridadwi18

I applied a few stylistic adjustments to your text. They are as follows:

On the present day [...] Nowadays, only a few children seem to enjoy indulging in the outdoor activities.
highly-engineered [...] genetically modified...
If this continues [...] to be the case...
both parents and schools [...] need to be aware of what accounts for the best way of tackling the situation.
Parents [...] are especially responsible for making sure that their children stay healthy.
Started [...] since the time children reach the age of 3 years, they must be encouraged to play physically active games.
By this [...] this sentence could be removed
parents should avoid [...] feeding their children with hyper-palatable foods.
When a child [...] Growing children spend much time in school.
Therefore, [...] What this means is that teachers affect the formation of their students' lifestyles, as well.
To help reduce [...] To help children to lead a healthy lifestyle, it should be made mandatory for students to spend at least 30 minutes per day exercising.

to supervise the student lunch [...] to pay attention to what students eat for lunch...
Another element [...] responsible agent, in this respect, is the government.
They have [...]I would remove this sentence
If the young generation [...] After all, it is up to the representatives of the younger generation to define the country's future.
By making [...] prohibiting to sell junk foods in schools, the government will be able to contribute towards making sure that this future is going to be bright.

In fact [...] this sentence is better removed.
condense [...] reduce...

I hope this came of help. Regards.

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