Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Who should be responsible for the health of our children? IELTS TASK 2


Muhammadyusuf 7 / 13  
Sep 12, 2015   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree this statement?


Youngsters are considerably prominent asset determining future destiny. These days, a number of youngsters presents a severe modus vivendi that brings to insalubrious condition. This matter turns a charge of parents and educational institutions for finding solutions. Although both them obviously have an obligation to keep youngsters's health by giving a basic comprehension about wellness. I utterly believe that the peddlers hawking various cuisines possess a more responsibility to face this case.

At first glance, the obligation of parents and schools to oversee young ages' health is one of indispensable responsibility. As seen since the primary environment gained by teenagers is family particularly their parents. On the other hand, schools as the second circumstance which are used by juveniles conduct a large number of activities. Both them are fitted together and own a crucial role to inform about priceless health, such as how to select an appropriate dish; keep circumstance so as to be salutary in order that the teenagers will understand the way of healthy life. As a result, parents and schools own prominent part for dealing with wellness problems .

Moreover, as food sellers, street hawkers providing all sorts of diets take a charge in watching out the wellness of youngster; most peddlers offer a wide range of products by various forms, tastes and colors. Result of health research released reveals that an amount of food sold in developing country have been contained admixtures of a chemical substance such as textile pigmentation in which the biggest consumers also are youngster. As the result, the immune system of children will decrease gradually, if they consume it regularly without restriction. As seen, the street hawkers have more responsibility in keeping the condition of youngsters.

To sum up, it is clear that while the parents and educational institutions possess obligation to prevent the children obtaining diseases. The street pedlers have more responsibility to face health problem occurring among children. The hawkers should provide foods containing a high nutritions in order to bring the quality of children better.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Sep 15, 2015   #2
Youngsters are considerably prominent asset determining future destiny..

This is good, but too complicated. Let me give a try;
Some children live under unhealthy life condition. While it is utterly true to some extent, it is argued that both parents and school should take this issue into consideration. Yet, it is believed that health authorities should have responsibility to educate children to eat healthily and take plenty of exercise.
nguyenthiet1993 8 / 3 5  
Sep 15, 2015   #3
this is a well-writen.
you have some small mistakes.
i think you should make this more simple

These days, a number of youngsters presents present a severe modus vivendi that brings to insalubrious condition.


Home / Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for the health of our children? IELTS TASK 2
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳