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Who is responsible for Medical Services ?


Lorica 3 / 6 2  
Apr 19, 2013   #1
Medical services are quite necessary for one's health. Therefore, some people think that medical services should be run by the government rather than by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The progress of medical services is inevitable and necessary. What's under controversy is that whether it should be run by the government or to profit-making companies. From my point of view, running by the government maybe a better choice for the medical services.

What's of the top priority is that government can give a better control of the medical services, like the medical price, quality and so on. Doctors in such hospitals are more famous than the profit-making companies because of their high quality and various working experience,.

On second thoughts, profit-making companies may the disease to patient in order to get more profit from them. As we know, the main purpose of these company is to get as much profit as possible so that patients may have to m=pay a large amount of money for a light disease only.

However, profit-making companies still have its own merits. It is always known for us about its nice environment, the superior services and high efficiency. People who is suffering an emergency disease can also choose door service out of the working time. That's what the government service can never hold a handle to. This kind of service can bring us more convenient in some settings so that it also has a huge market needs.

Just as a saying goes, every coin has its two sides. Personally I would highlight the merits of the government medical service more than the profit-making company.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 19, 2013   #2
The progress of medical services is inevitable and necessary.

.... your prompt asks you whether you agree that governments should run medical services and not the profit making companies. It does not talk about progress of medical services. So stick to that idea;

The medical services are an important aspect of any society.

What's under controversy is that whether it should be run by the government or to profit-making companies.

From my point of view, running by the government maybe a better choice for the medical services.

... this has grammar issues. Keep it simple;
From my point of view, it is better that governments run the medical services instead of profit making companies.

What'sof the top priority is that government can give a better control of the medical services, like the medical price, quality and so on.

... This is again a confusing sentence. Try to write short sentences and improve clarity of your idea;
The governments can have a better control of medical services. For example, they can control the price and quality of drugs and other medical services.
OP Lorica 3 / 6 2  
Apr 19, 2013   #3
Thank you so much!! By the way it is a composition for ielts, I wanna know how much score can it get?
ningo 22 / 53 9  
Apr 19, 2013   #4
Doctors in such hospitals are more famous than the profit-making companies

Doctors in such hospitals are more popular/well-known than others in the profit-making companies.

It is always known for us about its nice environment, the superior services and high efficiency

These companies bring to us the nice environment, superior services and the efficient furniture.
homsai 11 / 24 5  
Apr 20, 2013   #5
I believe no one can tell what score you might get, but you can go to the Cambridge official website to check the requirement for each band.
christyzhongs 7 / 21 1  
Apr 20, 2013   #6
Hi, Lorica,

First, I would like to highlight that you IELTs essay is not long enough(only 240 words), please remind that for IELTs essay, you need to write at lease 250 words in essay 2. (and the best lengh is between 250-300 words)----not long enough will minus your score

Second, avoid some template sentence, like "Just as a saying goes, every coin has its two sides." --- it might let you lose some marks.

Third, please remind the simple gramma mistake like "the main purpose of these companycompanies is" .

Besides, one more point was also pointed out by Dumi's last comment, you need to think more about the topic sentence.

At the last paragraph, you would better have quick summary for your essay and state your opinion again.


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