Responsible tourists to preserve about culture and environment

I also sit for this test and get a very low grade. Can I try to submit the essay here, and someone please help to correct my mistake. Thanks in advance.

Topic:Responsible tourists have paid attention to preserve about culture and environment.
Some people believe its impossible to pay attention. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Culture and environment has been attracted many focus from mature travelers and a lot of citizens are assumed that they cannot pay enough notice on culture and environment preservation. I totally agree that there is unable to blame the visitors on protection of local culture and environment, because those visitors are varies according to number and the nature of tourists.

The main reason why I think the visitors cannot be blamed on preservation culture and environment is because those we could not control the total quantity of visitors come to one site. Excessive amount of tourists have been linked to the damage of historical site and overuse of natural resource. Also, a small number of tourists will not have any sufficient impact on local culture and environment. In addition, a large quantity of tourists will likely to suffer mismanagement which leads to sanitation of each tourists point. Therefore, a strict control of numbers of tourists visiting each tourists point is the best solution for maintaining culture and environment locally.

Another problem is that nature of tourists is directly influence the impact of local culture and environment. People have different kind of nature, some are conscious and concern about preservation of culture and environment for further generation, while others may not think like that. I think that many selfish tourists may like to write they name down on some of the status or the body of big plants or other footprint, just to memorize their record on each destination. So, these people may damage the habitat of plant or destroy the historical status, and harm the preservation effort of the local authorities on these long exist tourists site.

In conclusion, there is clear that there are convincing arguments for not blaming tourists on protection of each tourist destination, but I think various steps can be taken to tackle the damage of local culture and environment.

My structure here is:
intro: rewrite topic + my stand
body 1: topic sentence, reason1, reason 2, example, results
body 2: topic sentence, reason1, personal experience, results
conclusion: topic + my stand

- This is a very confusing introduction. It does not make any sense. The topic is lost somewhere in there and the lack of a thesis statement leaves this paper boring and without a direction. Neither is your stand mentioned in the last sentence of the paragraph.


- Topic sentences should always be the first sentence of a new paragraph.

The overall essay is poorly constructed and written. You need to revise it and present your stand on the matter aside from discussing the reasons that you mentioned in the other paragraphs. Additional research and citing of sources within the text will help improve the content and credibility problem of the information contained in the essay.

This intro failed to restate the background and has no a strong thesis. Let me give a try for this question:


It is true that tourists are to pay particular attention to encourage sustainable culture and environment. While some people think that this idea seems highly dubious due to some major negative issues having to do with ecotourism, I believe that awareness about sustainable issues can be developed by controlling and managing the negative impacts on the physical environment.


Excessive number of tourists


each point of major tourist attraction.

Culture and environment has been attracted many focus from mature travelers and a lot of citizens are assumed that

I suggest that you can split it to two sentence, to make it more clear.

I totally agree that there is unable to

Use "It is unable to" may be better

nature of tourists.

I don't really know what do you mean of "nature of tourists "
Is it culture?

The main reason why ... is because

No need of because

It is embrassed for I don't know how to reply with the format as others do...
and pay attention to vangie's suggestion, which is always helpful. :)

This is a very meticulous essay and then I suggest that you pay more attention concerning the overall arguments unless you will get out of the topic. As for grammar I don't think that it causes a problem to the understanding of the essay.