Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Responsiblity of Parents and School Toward Children to be a Good Member of Society

Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Oct 29, 2016   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children can learn to be a good member of community from their parents. Some people trust that school is a good place to gain knowledge to behave. I think both school and parents are the best source to learn attitude.

Almost all side of children's life, there are parents who have responsibility. It includes that parents should teach their children about attitudes as a supplier that supports children to be a good member of society. It is caused by position of parents as the first educator for children. Parents are the first persons who children meet in their life. Many things or kinds of behaviour, children get from their mother and father than anyone. For example, parents teach their daughter and son thank to somebody who has given them pleasant gift or anything they need. Parents also teach their heredities to share their food to their friends, and take apologize after doing something wrong. These attitudes mostly get from family's lead, especially both mother and father.

Besides, school also important source to gain knowledge to be a good community persons. Because children school can meet many people there. They can apply what have they been learned from home. School tends to the place to learn and to practice. Nevertheless, they also can get new knowledge from their teacher, which their teacher plays a role as their second parents. For example, a son shares their which their red candy to their friend, but their friend just wants the blue candy. Then, they fight each other. The teacher will come to separate them, and give some advices. From that case, both children can learn how to understand each other and do not fight about that problem. They get another lesson in school.

To sum up, it is important for parents to teach their children good attitudes. Afterwards, children can practice their good behaviour in school when they meet many friends, not only to practice, but also to gain any knowledge about behaviour from their teacher as their second parents. 335w

RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Oct 31, 2016   #2

Overall it is a very short and simple introduction while you only paraphrased the question then wrote your opinion. Yes, it addressed the task response although you should learn more about paraphrasing and how to build a paragraph well. poor cohesion in this paragraph, indeed you can use cohesive device just like in the question to keep the flow per sentence in your writing.

BODY 1: I can catch your idea here, from the main idea till the explanation it is quite well developed. However, your example and sentences after that are not strong and relevant enough to emphasize or to wholly build your main idea. You may need to give example about what essential or mostly parents teach about attitude to their children, and then explain how this affect children or how this nurture become ever lasting or be the character of children in the future.

BODY 2: overall, it is good but you still need to emphasize from your simple example that how this will affect children attitude or personal behavior in the future as a member of society.

Overall, this is brief and effective as you just mention again your main ideas or thesis statement here. To strengthen your answer on the question prompt, better to restate your position or opinion.

Good Luck
NB: please pay more attention in your word chosen, some are inappropriately used. Need to concern about the right collocation of noun or verb you wrote down.

Home / Writing Feedback / Responsiblity of Parents and School Toward Children to be a Good Member of Society