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'we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level' - GRE essay


Mysoon 1 / 1  
Aug 26, 2014   #1
Over the past year, our late night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of local and weather news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news programs have just cancelled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to the program and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level."

The author's argument that the station should devote more time for weather and local news to attract more viewer and advertiser is flawed. In the argument, the manager not only draws a conclusion based on ambiguous and vague terms, but also doesn't consider others reason behind cancellation of advertising. Furthermore, the author makes the mistake by focusing on devoting more time to weather and local news as the only solution for the problem.

First, in order to evaluate the conclusion, we need more explanation for vague terms such as "most of the complaints". It could be many complaints or just three out of five. We don't know. Also, the complaints may come from people who like to complain a lot about anything. To strengthen his/ her argument, the author would benefit from implementing a nor end survey asking a wide range of viewers why they don't watch the channel or if they have any compliant about the station.

Further more, though there have been cancellation of advertising, we don't know if the reason of this is reducing time for weather and local news or perhaps the companies had a financial problem or even their advertising campaigns ended. In order to evaluate this article we need more specific and precise details about the reasons of this cancellation to bolster the conclusion or not.

Additionally, the author assumes that devoting more time for weather and local news would be the solely solution to solve the problem. The author doesn't consider others solution such as showing new kind of programs, new movies instead of old one, or even views sport programs that attract more viewer from different ages and also advertiser.

The argument could be strengthen if the author considers the other solution for the problem. The argument could be further strengthen if the author define vague terms as well as provide more information about the evidence. As it stands, however, the argument us flawed for the reasons indicated.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 26, 2014   #2
Some grammatical errors in there that you have to correct:

the station should devote more time for weather and local news

- more timeto ...

but also doesn't consider others reason

- consider other reasons ...

benefit from implementing anor end survey

though there have been cancellation of advertising

- cancellations in advertising

details about the reasons of this cancellation

- reasons behind these cancellations ...

The author doesn't consider others solution

- other solutions

new movies instead of old one

- old ones

views sport programs

- showing sports programs...

attract more viewer

- viewers

also advertiser

- advertisers

The argument could be strengthen

- strengthened

other solution

- solutions

The argument could be further strengthen if the author define vague terms as well as provide more information about the evidence.

- the argument could be further strengthened if the author defines vague terms as well as provides...

The strikeout means to delete and the red fonts are the correct ones that should replace the deleted words. I hope this helps. It is really a well thought out and analytical essay. Good luck with it :-)
OP Mysoon 1 / 1  
Aug 26, 2014   #3
Thank you so much.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 26, 2014   #4
Cancellation is singular form. Since you are talking about more than one advertisement being cancelled, it goes into plural form. The plural form of cancellation is cancellations. That is why I had to add the letter S at the end. To make it plural form. You have to be very careful with your plural and singular forms because it can create unintentional grammar errors in essays like in the case of cancellation and cancellations. I hope that helps :-)


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