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Restricting the air travel to prevent air pollution

dils 20 / 33 2  
Oct 31, 2016   #1
There is an opinion that the prevention of air pollution can be reached by restricting the air travel. Regarding this issue, I stand on the line that I firmly disagree, as there are other major causes that promote the air pollution.

As there are myriads of nonstop flight services every day, it is clear that this may the major contributor of air pollution. Annually, the report reveals that there is a necessity to have control the emission of this air transportation. For example, the type of boing 737 as the common use in some cases experiences the disturbance in gas emission system. As result, it produces more damage output of fuel burns. Therefore, it may consider that this will bring a number of pollution in air.

However, there are also arguments that reveal if actually the other factors contribute more to the air pollution rather than the air transportation. Firstly, the research conducted by the green peace scientists found that the number one major cause to trigger this degenerative pollution is related with industrial works, as the number of company's factories increase every year progressively, it is of course in line with the result of emission that they release to the air. In addition, the second contributor is CFC or Cloro Fluoro Carbon, in which result from the use of air conditioners, refrigerators, and the other devices that we use as our daily instruments.

In conclusion, even though the air travel contributes to bring pollution, the others contribute more than that. Concern with that, it is imperative to start eco-friendly lifestyle as we can save the environment.

anageecantu 1 / 5 1  
Oct 31, 2016   #2
Fascinating topic. I like your essay overall!

However, I think you can have a better "hook" in your first sentence.

There are several cases of typos in your essay--nothing too major, all you need is to skim over for a general revision. The syntax (sentence length, structure) is also somewhat repetitive, but that can easily be fixed!

In addition, I think you can develop your conclusion more.

Again, overall, good essay. Don't be discouraged!
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Oct 31, 2016   #3
Hi dils, here my thoughts about your essay

... more damage output of fuel burns
[you can use 'burnt fuel' , burn (n) : a place where fire damaged sth or a small stream , so it will be better if you rephrase it]

2. a number of pollution.
[pollution is uncountable noun. you cannot use 'a number of']
overall, your essay is good, but be careful with word classification and collocation

keep writing and goodluck

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